The Burrow

I wrote the first version in 2010. Happy Anniversary, Big Guy. I'm glad we did this. ***** Do you know where you were 44 years ago? Do you remember the weather and what you were wearing and what you had for dinner and who was late and who was obnoxious and how it felt to go to sleep that night? Probably not.... unless it's your wedding anniversary tomorrow, too. I'm time traveling to G'ma and Daddooooo's backyard on Long Island. There's a yellow and white striped tent covering the grass, and the tables are stacked alongside the path towards the garbage cans... the cans which have been removed to a less conspicuous location, further from the walkway to be used by the guests as they arrive to celebrate with us, even though I thought it would be nice for my family and friends to admire the paint job we'd done on them one boring summer afternoon. They weren't elegant, but they were us.  I lost that battle to G'ma's raised eyebrow and ...

It's oxymoronic on its face - there are always clouds and fog and cool ocean breezes in Monterey in the summer.  My backless yellow filmy dress for the reception was aggressively summery... until it was absolutely perfect. We left Arizona under lowering clouds.  We returned to thunderstorms.  In between, we had nothing but sunshine.  It may have been a little overcast on Saturday morning, but we slept late and had a lovely breakfast and by the time we were ready to venture toward the beach there were clear skies overhead.  After spending Friday afternoon poolside with our books and sunglasses, a second day of brightness was an unexpected pleasure. The bride and groom certainly deserved it.  They took care of the entire event.  Calling themselves geographic mutts , their guest list involved travel from Washington, DC, Pittsburgh, Illinois, Boston, California, and points across the Atlantic.  Everyone would have to travel, so the kids...

I admit it. I'm slacking today.  I slept until 8:45, not budging when TBG kissed me goodbye while sticking a note to my clock. My pilates instructor is on vacation, I canceled my group session because the teacher is no longer holding my attention, and there was nothing on the calendar except a morning visit to Ms. Levine's kindergarten class.  Sleeping in was acceptable, although somewhat disconcerting. I'm used to watching the sun turn the hills pink. Today, they were brown against a blue sky when I sat here at the desk to check my email. I made a pan of brownies and headed off to school with Mousetronaut Goes to Mars  tucked under my arm.  Reading aloud to the most well-behaved class of kindergarten students on the planet is a treat.  Sharing special words from my friend, the astronaut, sent especially to the three little boys who insisted that they, too, would be space travelers.... well, that was quite wonderful... quite wonderful, indeed. We shared our ...

Amster and The Firefighter surprised their children by getting married this afternoon.  It was perfect.  Totally and completely appropriate for the least pretentious couple I know.  They were surrounded by those who loved them, by those who share their lives, by those they see every day. Several dozen of us gathered in the courtyard as the judge conducted a simple, short, thoughtful ceremony and Ms. Attorney-At-Law took photographs.   There was prosecco and sparkling cider and chocolate cake with whipped chocolate frosting and ice cream on the side.  The wedding party wore blue; the kids wore nicer-than-usual school clothes, the guests dropped in for thirty minutes or so in the middle of the work day.  The planning occupied pieces of one week.  I spent some of it writing my toast.  I went to three stores, one of them twice.  There was one phone call to a vendor. The bride's dress was purchased on-line; as Matron of Honor I wore ...

A year ago right now I was wearing pretty much what I'm wearing now - a t-shirt and gym shorts. I was just back from Wally World, where I'd run to purchase a full-length mirror.  The bridesmaids had been shuffled from our bedroom to the big guest room and somehow, jumping up and down to see how their dresses looked in the mirror above the sink just didn't cut it. That full length mirror had been on my list for months; I didn't plan to be shopping for it three hours before the wedding.  No one in the store seemed at all interested in the fact that my little girl was getting married; they were oblivious to the joy.  It didn't seem possible, somehow.  It was oozing from every pore of my being. I was a reluctant late comer to the excitement; worrying over the weather, over being the hostess, over making it perfect without overwhelming, it all kept my glee in check.  But a year ago there was not a cloud in the sky, there was no suspiciously cool breeze tossing th...

I was a lot less relaxed last year. Every cloud on the horizon sent me scurrying to the National Weather Service's web site for reassurance. Brunch food and flower deliveries had me in a tizzy. I didn't have time to think about the grand adventure unfolding before my little girl. But now, with a year's worth of memories behind us, I can stand in the back yard and laugh at my dying container plants and remember dashing frantically between home and Rillito Nursery  last year... this week... finding replacements for those plants choosing that time to die. Beth had the yellow and blue hanging baskets she'd ordered just for us, and now, looking at the spent vinca, I'm motivated to find a healthier resident for the top of that post. I'll do it in their honor. They've done well, this first year, my girl and her guy. They know who vacuums where when, and are delighted when the other does it, "just because."  They laugh at the same silly jokes and prod ...

TBG wondered what would fill my days after the hoopla over the wedding subsided. I laughed then and I'm laughing now.  It's nearly 4 o'clock in the afternoon and I'm wondering where the day went. My Monday Pilates Diva is traveling to a wedding back East; instead of roll ups I rolled over and slept in just a little bit longer.  Without my usual dose of stretching and bending and breathing and centering, the whole day seemed just a bit off. There were left over goodies from the goodie bags, so off to Prince and Amphi  I went.  Upon opening the boxes in the teachers' lounge, I found that MOTG had not sent 5 boxes of trail mix.  Rather, she'd sent 4 boxes of beautifully wrapped and beribboned healthy snacks, and 1 box of fudge and easter egg colored candies.  I suppose they were to be included in the goodie bags; unfortunately for our guests, I never got that far.  The teachers were oohing and aahhhing over the individu...

Daddooooo always said "By definition, all brides are beautiful."   Ours was no exception.  Her J Crew couture was simple and elegant and comfortable... right down to the side seam pockets in which she placed her hands midway through the ceremony. There's a sentence I never thought I'd type: She put her hands in the pockets of her wedding dress. Why does that make me smile? ***** We rented the tables and the linens and the lighting.... the lighting which I was sad to see being packed up and taken away.  There were hanging globes with LED votive lights inside, twinkling lights dangling from the lower limbs of the palo verde under which the guests were gathered.  Ludwig from Frostings told me where to get them and you know that the next time you drop in for cocktails or a late night swim they will be there to greet you. My house never looked lovelier. ***** Little Cuter and I agreed on "the look" early on in the planning.  Saturday ...

It's not something that gets talked about a great deal at weddings.  The focus is on the bride and the groom and the life that they will be creating together.  The extended family is there to share the love.  That's their role and, for the most part, they stick to it.  I, however, embraced the whole expanding family notion with open arms and a willing heart.  I've created my own family out of the friends and colleagues I've met along my way.  My girl, the bride, was looking for more.  SIR brought them with him, in abundance. There's MOTG, her mother-in-law, who manages to soothe the savage beast residing in my child with a smile, a touch and a gentle word.  "You have attitude, Mom.  She is just love!"   Those words didn't hurt my heart, they made it grow.  If it takes a village to raise a child; I'm appointing MOTG Mayor of Little-Cuter-ville. How wonderful to have another woman who loves my girl as much as I do a...

by my sister going on the internet..." is the way the ceremony ended.... in laughter and tears of joy and the immediate expansion of our family.  The fact that our son presided over the event was incalculably wonderful.  Truly, denizens, it doesn't get better than that. The groom and God are re-examining their relationship.  The bride was raised a non-religious believer in a higher power.  The machatunim  are regular church goers.  TBG and I had had our fill of formal religion by the time we met in college.  Finding an officiant who would be acceptable to everyone was one of the (many) things I worried about. I volunteered to find whatever kind of human they wanted; living in the town in which they'd be married made me the obvious choice for the chore.  Amster could have secured the services of a local judge, but the bride and groom were looking for more than a legal connection.  They wanted a spiritual piece to their ceremony, too. ...

Dear SIR, You were right and we are grateful.  We are so very, very grateful. This was a weekend filled with merriment and love.  It would not have happened had you not insisted. Watching your bride walk down the aisle was a memory you wanted to treasure forever.  You wanted a wedding. We are so glad that you did. When I suggested that Little Cuter kidnap you and elope, I could see you in her response.  "MOM," she said, with emphasis and with love, "deceit is probably not the best way to kick off a marriage!" In her words to you on Saturday night, she spoke of how you understand her and care for her as she really is... without artifice.... just herself, vulnerable and open.  She's absolutely right; deceit is not a part of that recipe.  There is no need.  You love her for who she is, and you wanted to share that love with everyone.  She looked at practical uses for the money, you kept your eye on the prize.  That the prize was our d...

Sitting on Douglas with the best sister-in-law in the world and her daughter surrounding me, there's not a sound in the house.  The televisions are on, but very quietly.  TBG and I have re-defined tired; we're trying to nap. If the weather gods were appeased by any one of you, we send our thanks.  There were just enough clouds to create a fantastic sunset and a glare-free ceremony.  The breeze was gentle and the lights hanging from the trees cast a gentle glow, blowing quietly, making soft shadows on the driveway. There was so much love, denizens.  There were so many friends and roommates and co-workers gathered in our house, it was a veritable tableau of our lives. They came from Los Angeles and Indiana and Illinois, from New Jersey and Maryland and Brazil.  They had heard about one another, they knew each other's stories, and last night they were face to face. It was amazing. We spent the day primping. Jesse started on their hair before noon....

One bridesmaid is here, two more arrive in the morning.  Sons and daughters and their spouses and some children have made their way to the desert.  Aunts and uncles and old friends are checking in and getting settled. Let's get this party started! Little Cuter and I spent the day buying the finishing touches - little gifts and silver shoes, conditioner and mini-cupcakes, a garter and a comb for her hair.  We started out with smiles and ended up exhausted.  She's napping as I type. The desert is dryer than Chicago, and it's higher, too.  The air is thinner and the breathing is more difficult.  With the change in seasons comes a change in the allergens in the air; MOTG may need more than one allergy pill to get through the weekend, TBG has a migraine, my eyes are itchy.  I'm glad monsoon has disappeared; I forgot the scratchy throats that come with fall. Still, the sun is shining, the clouds are high and fluffy, and love is in the air.  The ...

It's really starting, denizens.  The machatunim are on the plane, en route to Tucson as I type.  My usual afternoon blogging time will be filled with familial joy; I'm trying to focus my brain on the words I want to share this morning, and I'm scattered. Brene Brown would be impressed with me .  The author of Daring Greatly , she's big on being kind to yourself, on knowing which of the little voices shouting in your ear deserve attention - or don't - and she's full of suggestions on how to open your heart and protect it at the same time.  I couldn't be reading a more timely book. Weddings provide many opportunities for hurt feelings.  Brown's research on bullying and vulnerability and the should's which surround us would have been helpful as decisions were being made.  Little Cuter and I are fairly confident in our ability to be true to ourselves without damaging others, but the definition of other was different in this case.  Everyone had a st...

I thought I was done.  Really, I did.  Then, I woke up. The painter came to touch up the back doors; why did we notice their deteriorating state last week and not last month?  Patty came to clean and polish and change sheets and smile at me; her calm demeanor helps .... a lot.  Little Cuter and SIR are adding to the Wedding Weekend Timeline and, when I asked when something was happening I was referred back to that document in no uncertain terms.  The girl is organized and I had better get with the program. That's okay, I didn't mind being chastised.  She did it with dignity and aplomb.... kinda.  PLEASE REFER TO WEDDING TIMELINE WOMAN!   was the final line of her email. I love it when she refers to me as WOMAN! (it always has an exclamation mark).  I know that the answer will be obvious and that I've missed something that was right in front of my face and that she is smiling as she shakes her head and wonders how I managed to survive...

No, not the movie, although it's appropriate for my life this week in Weddingville. The machatunim will be the first to arrive in town for the festivities.  The who?  The what?  Once again, Yiddish comes to the rescue with a word for the parents of your child's spouse... your kid's in-laws.  Shouldn't a language which has created linguistic contortions like Muzak and Ms (no punctuation, please) be able to come up with a word for that relationship?  I'm just sayin'....... I knew I liked them before I met them; my girl would go up from school to visit and return to Bloomington calmed and well-fed. What more could a Jewish mother ask? She slept in on Sunday mornings or joined them at church, enjoying the music and the family time. She's a questioner, my girl, and his parents were always willing to answer.  For a kid who grew up without formal religious training, it's all new and something to be examined and explored.  His...

This time next Sunday, it will all be over.  Between now and then there's nothing but love. Little Cuter is the wisest bride I've ever know.  "If it's not done yet, it's not getting done," is her motto and she's sticking to it.  If there's something we've forgotten, or overlooked, or ignored, well, that's just too bad.  We are ready to be participants. Of course, hosting the event does mean that I'm on-call until this time next Sunday.  But the calls will be from people who love the kids, and the questions will be related to sharing that love.  Being in charge has never felt so good. Perhaps that's because I'm really not in charge.  I'm a helper in my own home, putting on a party for family and friends.  Little Cuter is planning her wedding, assigning tasks and approving expenditures.  I make suggestions; she makes decisions. I did my first "mother in law thing" yesterday.  Will there be golfing?  Inquiring clu...

The monsoon is drenching half of Tucson today. The other half is dry as a bone. I got my hair cut in the sunshine and drove to PT through torrential rains. Accuweather's extended outlook promises dry and sunny for the wedding day; that's all I care about.  ***** Little Cuter admonished me this morning – "Don't get frantic, Mom!"   I think I will print that email and save it for her... and her daughter... when the roles are reversed. ***** G'ma vacillates between wanting a new dress and feeling comfortable shopping in her own closet. Big Cuter, the officiant, needs vestments.... which I, apparently, promised to create for him. TBG promises that he's been thinking about what to wear, but he hasn't made any decisions. I just have to put the rhinestone bling on the tips of my pink Converse and look for a hair ornament for the bride. These are manageable tasks. It's nice that the planning becomes easier as the day comes close...

BlogHer wants to know how makeup, dressing up and strutting your stuff help you feel fabulous, confident and ready to rock the world .  The first time I read the prompt I laughed and clicked on through.  Then I became The Mother of The Bride. The event belongs to my little girl.  My outfit is much less important than her guest list and her smiles and her wedding dress.  Watching her try them on, in the warehouse carnival get me out of here atmosphere of David's Bridal or in the more subdued environment where we found the one she loved, I began to get the feeling that, perhaps, I might be able to respond to that prompt after all. There won't be any pictures of the clothes we selected; those will wait for 15 more days before they are revealed to the world.  What I can share is the wonder of putting them on. Neither of us is a shopper.  Neither of us dresses up that often.  We're t-shirt and sweat pants girls, though our guys tell us that we cl...

I always feel sad that people have to work on Labor Day. It doesn't seem right on a holiday that, according to the Department of Labor's website , is a creation of the labor movement and is dedicated to the social and economic achievements of American workers. That has a fairly Marxist ring to it, it seems to me.  But, since the holiday constitutes a yearly national tribute to the contributions workers have made to the strength, prosperity, and well-being of our country,   I decided to participate in the promotion of that prosperity by going to the store. In my defense, I spent the morning clearing out more and more of the accumulation of crap detritus remnants of childhoods past stuff boxes and shopping bags and recyclables from the garage. In the afternoon, I distributed them around town.  I didn't do any shopping until I got to the nursery, and with a wedding-at-home in less than three weeks that counts as preparation rather than mere co...