The Burrow

Don't facts matter anymore? Representative Michelle Bachman opens her mouth and out comes drivel. Now, who exactly was President of the United States in 1976, ma'am? Did anyone ever teach you the difference between correlation and causation? And you are making laws for us, poor citizens that we are. Your health insurance might cost $500 per month. But that's not really a fact, because you have deductibles and co-pays and out-of-pocket-maximums and excluded procedures and a few other small print items. Get hit by a bus, no worries. But have routine medical issues normally associated with life in the retired lane? Keep that Visa card handy; you'll need it. Some things that used to be facts now are faux-facts . Take a carton of ice cream, for example. I'm serious; take the carton in your hand next time you're in the grocery store. Does it feel different somehow? It should - it's lighter than it used to be. Chips, cookies, and crackers are just some...

Facebook thread: she: "Odd that you are my oldest and truest friend from high school but I didn't even know you in high school" me: "That's because you were waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too cool for me then" she: "I wish I had known that then....." And believe me, she was very cool then. Long long long hair that hung straight down her back over her Go-Getter's booster club sweater that was every bit as wonderful as the varsity sweater the cheerleaders wore. She was never alone. She was always with the other fabulously cool girls, walking in their fabulously cool pack, laughing their ..... well, you get the picture. Social worries? Issues? Anxieties? Problems? No way those girls dealt with anything more horrifying than not having the exact right color grosgrain ribbon for their perfect pony-tails. It wasn't about money; we were all middle-class to one degree or another. It wasn't about anything discernible to my pubescent self, just on the...

Have you seen it ? Energy Secretary Dr. Steven Chu (the smartest scientist ever to sit in a Presidential Cabinet?) and Rep. Joe Barton of Texas, one laughing, one smirking and both confusing the hell out of me. I had to watch the clip 3 times, then talk to the Big Cuter about what was really going on. Rep. Barton was making a point, and Dr. Chu was agreeing with him, and then Rep. Barton posts "Gotcha" on his website and I really didn't get it. Where was the "gotcha"? Rep. Barton was right - the oil just seeped through the cracks and layers of tectonic plates and got up to Alaska. He said it. I heard it. So, I guess the "gotcha" is that the answer wasn't what he wanted to hear? Or that it was what he expected from an Obama appointee? Or that it was so easy to understand that Dr. Chu must be fooling? Rep. Barton is a Purdue educated engineer. He consulted for ARCO. He is the ranking member (and former chair) of the House Energy and Commerc...

Robin Hood is an old old friend. Long cold wintry Chicago afternoons with Cuters under afghans (the green ones) and snacks everywhere and Errol and the gang in green tights. They were definitely Men in Tights , dashing sword-fighting athletic men. We all wanted to swing from those vines into Sir Guy's gaping face, and then stuff ourselves at the feast with The Lady Marian by our side. Except for the times we wanted to be Little John and Friar Tuck and pick on each other. There's intrigue and love and honor and justice and and there are horses and castles and bows and arrows in addition to those swords. It's just wonderful. TBG first gave me this gift, and endeared himself to G'ma forever in doing so. She's always said that if Errol Flynn came to her door, she was ready for him. This was the first time I'd ever heard the expression "I wouldn't kick him out of bed for eating crackers." We've seen every incarnation of the movie (Kevin...

A cardboard backed board and 100 wooden tiles in a small, burgundy box. 4 racks to hold the tiles, a velvety bag (Crown Royal?), a pad and a pencil. No plugs. No plastic. A table was nice, but the floor worked just as well. The junior version had pictures, but the grown-ups got to play with pink and blue squares with little points around their edges. That was Scrabble up until the Web got its claws into it. First there was Scrabulous. Suddenly, it was possible to play on-line with strangers. Real time games on a familiar board. You could play and chat and challenge. They kept statistics and graphs and charts. It was almost like playing with the Little Cuter at the kitchen table, except that now she was beating me with alarming regularity. Alas, Hasbro and Mattel decided that their rights were more important than our fun, and the lawyers got involved and there was a lot of on-line screeching but "the man" won and Scrabulous was history . I tried Lexulous, their next i...

My album-oriented-adult-quality-music-from-then-and-now radio station was hyping a new service today : Videos you loved when you were growing up. Log on and watch even the really old ones. The really old ones? Like from when they were invented when the Cuters were in middle-school? Like yesterday? Like, I mean, c'mon. Middle Brother and I used to wake up at 5am when we were very young. We'd curl up in the afghans Grandma had crocheted for us (the red and yellow ones with the flower pattern) and watch the end of Modern Farmer while waiting for Crusader Rabbit and Mighty Mouse to start. If we got up too early, all we could see was the test pattern on two of the stations and the waving American Flag on the third. We didn't have just video. We had Audio-Video. A/V meant slide shows with a reel-to-reel tape deck almost-but-not-totally-synced to the automatic slide advancer. There were slide shows on Navajo sheep farmers and the building of the Panama Canal and o...

Can someone explain to me why the SAT is advertising on Facebook? I'm really confused. Going to college - you know about the test. Live in a family that pays half an ounce of attention to the world around it - you know about the test. Attend high school - you know about the test. Have older siblings - you know about the test. You really don't need to be reminded. "The one, the only - the SAT". As if it were a fancy car - the Ferrari of tests - something to which everyone would aspire. It's cool. It's hip. It's your friend - "There are scarier things than the SAT - like having your Mom chaperone the prom" . And it's physically attractive. At least the ad is. So, I'm 15 and I'm hooked. Forget the ACT. I'll sign up. I promise. Is ETS using high school kids to pressure colleges to retain the test as an admissions tool? After all, if you've paid to take the thing, and studied for it, and stayed up nights worrying abo...

On the way to the gym on Monday, I was listening to Diane Rehm . One of her callers was Jeff, a postal worker who identified himself as "just a guy". He suggested that the census be taken by the people who know the neighborhood best - the mail carriers. He pointed out that they are federal employees who already walk the beat. One of the panelists commented, "from your lips to God's ear" and hoped that someone from the White House was listening to the show. I had a West Wing moment, imagining Ginger? an intern? sitting in the bullpen outside Sam and Toby's offices listening to Diane's show. Not a picture I could have conjured up a year ago. But somehow it seems possible that in this administration such a thing was heard and noticed and commented upon. It's nice to feel included, to be talked to as if I might really understand the issues and could actually hold a nuanced thought in my head. When the President or his minions are interviewed, I d...

I like Earth Day. I was there at its creation, after all. It was founded by U.S. Senator Gaylord Nelson in 1970. Initially, it was a touchy-feely alternative to the harsher realities of the anti-Vietnam War protests. You wanted to do something, but war was such an uncomfortable subject and arguing against it made your parents wonder why they were spending tuition dollars while you were telling the lawfully elected President of the United States of America that you knew more than he did. With your picture in the crowd on the front page of the NY Times. At 18 years of age, no less. But planting trees? Recycling newspaper? Not littering? And all this in service to Mother Earth. Who could be aggravated about supporting Mother Earth? Earth Day had teach-in's. They were more fun than sit-in's, which invariably involved police and disciplinary action. They were less fun than be-in's, which owed more to Timothy Leary and The Grateful Dead than to anything political...

"And you, Senora? A margarita?" A fairly innocuous question in a Mexican restaurant at dinner time. But when G'ma looks at me and says "Do I want a margarita?" all kinds of hell breaks loose inside my head. NO - you are on 8 different medications all of which caution against alcohol. I don't want to feel responsible for your impaired functioning if you fall tonight. Falling is not a good thing when you're 86 years old, as you well know. But half a margarita? With dinner? Once every 6 months? Really, how much damage could that do? I looked at the margarita glass. It was huge. "I'm driving. Let's share one." The waitress left, but the question stuck around. Around and around and around. It wasn't quite "Do I like margaritas?" - I could chalk that up to a failing memory and the fact that you're not a big drinker. You could have forgotten if you liked them. It wasn't "Do I care to drink a margarita ...

Neil Armstrong really did walk on the moon. I watched them prove it last night on Mythbusters . I never doubted that he walked on the moon. I was 17, I wanted to believe that he was there, and it was easy for me to buy into the notion that smart people were able to figure out the science and math needed for the LEM's soft landing, the rocketry to lift off and return to Apollo 11, the re-entry spacecraft protections, the pressurizing and breathing apparatus and especially those very spiffy moon boots. We were Americans, after all. If we wanted to do something, it got done. Apparently, though, there are people who think that, with nothing else to occupy their minds (Vietnam? Nuclear proliferation? Civil Rights?) our government spent time and resources in an effort to delude the American people. Would that they were that clever. I don't think so. And now I have proof. And it was really cool proof, too. "If it's worth doing, it's worth overdoing," they ...

Watching the NBA playoffs is not my favorite way to spend a sunny Saturday afternoon. For TBG, though, watching LeBron lead Cleveland is just this side of heaven. (Heaven was watching Michael Jordan 6-peat.) It's hard to remember that LeBron is the same age as the Little Cuter. He's a big man playing a big man's game, and he's playing with authority. The high school phenom turned Rookie of the Year. The man who has all of Cleveland "Believe"-ing. A real reason (beyond fabulous greek restaurants) to live by the shores of Lake Erie. And yet, he's still so young. He's been drawing a paycheck since he was 18 years old. This wasn't a paycheck most high school grads receive - this was serious money. Whole organizations were devoted to his interests. Paul Silas was hired to nurture him. Nike paid him $90,000,000 to be a human hanger and a shoe model. And he was just a kid. Last summer, LeBron played for Mike Krzyzewski and Team USA. This season...

A NY Times piece by Richard Rodriguez was the first time I thought this through. Speaking Spanish at home and English out in the world, at a young age Rodriguez realized that the safety and comfort of home was embodied in the private, family-only names he was called there. He was a different person, with different expectations, inside and outside his home. Yesterday, I heard Alberto Alvaro Rios speak at the library. The author of the OneBookAZ selection for 2009, Capirotada, he, too, grew up bi-lingual. Listening to him read from his (completely delightful and often quite ins ,  ightful) stories, I was struck by what happened when he read names. Matilde .... Consuela .... Obregon His voice caressed each syllable. His eyes crinkled and looked at something I couldn't see. His shoulders rolled just a little and his mouth had a teeny tiny almost couldn't see it but you knew it was there grin. And the whole thing was more than each part - he was in another place. Just...

Kids like rules. Always have, always will. Those little monsters running amok in the grocery aisles? Chasing through restaurants like banshees? Wreaking havoc amidst the flowerbeds? They're just looking for some one, any one, come on people ..... Make Me Feel Safe. You try. As a parent, you're not sure if you're stunting their creativity by protecting the sanctity of the wallpaper, but you try to strike a balance. Starting when the kid is an infant is infinitely easier than waiting til you've decided the little beast is a sentient being after all. Saying "no" to someone without verbal skills is lots easier than arguing with a taller-than-you-are teenager. And once you get into the habit of establishing the boundaries, it happens on its own more often than not. Without realizing it, you're keeping the Burrow walls intact. G'ma has "the look". Come home late for dinner? Throw a snowball at the school bus? One look at her face and you are quakin...

The Big Cuter thinks I should divulge more of myself because, in this medium (" New Media, Gasp" said Princess Myrtle one day) bloviating is encouraged. The Little Cuter is my first follower. It's nice to be loved and supported and mentored by those you've loved and supported and mentored yourself. Maybe that's what G'ma means when she thanks me these days. Ashleigh Burroughs has been with me since college, when I realized that I was never going to write the great American novel but that, perhaps, Ashleigh would. It's good to have dreams and it's awful when your dreams make your reality seem paltry in comparison - especially when your reality is a good one. Giving Ashleigh her own persona cured that problem lickety-split. Like her namesake from Gone With the Wind , her intentions are stronger than her actions. But that's ok. She's been waiting for just this occasion to shine. The Edgar Rice Burroughs Martian series kept The Big Guy...

Roy Hobbs is a good baseball name. Dick Butkus is a good football name. Ashleigh Burroughs is a good writer's name. Lots of writers have lots of initials. Most of them seem to be R ..... J R R Tolkien, George R R Martin...... Growing up, I didn't have any nicknames, which is funny now, because I have lots of them as an adult. Am I living my life backwards? I'm parenting my parent, and mothering my children. I'm living the cowboy songs I loved as a child. Roy Rogers is a good cowboy name. "Pick me a good one, Bobby"