The Burrow

Daddooooo always said "By definition, all brides are beautiful."   Ours was no exception.  Her J Crew couture was simple and elegant and comfortable... right down to the side seam pockets in which she placed her hands midway through the ceremony. There's a sentence I never thought I'd type: She put her hands in the pockets of her wedding dress. Why does that make me smile? ***** We rented the tables and the linens and the lighting.... the lighting which I was sad to see being packed up and taken away.  There were hanging globes with LED votive lights inside, twinkling lights dangling from the lower limbs of the palo verde under which the guests were gathered.  Ludwig from Frostings told me where to get them and you know that the next time you drop in for cocktails or a late night swim they will be there to greet you. My house never looked lovelier. ***** Little Cuter and I agreed on "the look" early on in the planning.  Saturday ...

It's not something that gets talked about a great deal at weddings.  The focus is on the bride and the groom and the life that they will be creating together.  The extended family is there to share the love.  That's their role and, for the most part, they stick to it.  I, however, embraced the whole expanding family notion with open arms and a willing heart.  I've created my own family out of the friends and colleagues I've met along my way.  My girl, the bride, was looking for more.  SIR brought them with him, in abundance. There's MOTG, her mother-in-law, who manages to soothe the savage beast residing in my child with a smile, a touch and a gentle word.  "You have attitude, Mom.  She is just love!"   Those words didn't hurt my heart, they made it grow.  If it takes a village to raise a child; I'm appointing MOTG Mayor of Little-Cuter-ville. How wonderful to have another woman who loves my girl as much as I do a...

by my sister going on the internet..." is the way the ceremony ended.... in laughter and tears of joy and the immediate expansion of our family.  The fact that our son presided over the event was incalculably wonderful.  Truly, denizens, it doesn't get better than that. The groom and God are re-examining their relationship.  The bride was raised a non-religious believer in a higher power.  The machatunim  are regular church goers.  TBG and I had had our fill of formal religion by the time we met in college.  Finding an officiant who would be acceptable to everyone was one of the (many) things I worried about. I volunteered to find whatever kind of human they wanted; living in the town in which they'd be married made me the obvious choice for the chore.  Amster could have secured the services of a local judge, but the bride and groom were looking for more than a legal connection.  They wanted a spiritual piece to their ceremony, too. ...

Dear SIR, You were right and we are grateful.  We are so very, very grateful. This was a weekend filled with merriment and love.  It would not have happened had you not insisted. Watching your bride walk down the aisle was a memory you wanted to treasure forever.  You wanted a wedding. We are so glad that you did. When I suggested that Little Cuter kidnap you and elope, I could see you in her response.  "MOM," she said, with emphasis and with love, "deceit is probably not the best way to kick off a marriage!" In her words to you on Saturday night, she spoke of how you understand her and care for her as she really is... without artifice.... just herself, vulnerable and open.  She's absolutely right; deceit is not a part of that recipe.  There is no need.  You love her for who she is, and you wanted to share that love with everyone.  She looked at practical uses for the money, you kept your eye on the prize.  That the prize was our d...

Sitting on Douglas with the best sister-in-law in the world and her daughter surrounding me, there's not a sound in the house.  The televisions are on, but very quietly.  TBG and I have re-defined tired; we're trying to nap. If the weather gods were appeased by any one of you, we send our thanks.  There were just enough clouds to create a fantastic sunset and a glare-free ceremony.  The breeze was gentle and the lights hanging from the trees cast a gentle glow, blowing quietly, making soft shadows on the driveway. There was so much love, denizens.  There were so many friends and roommates and co-workers gathered in our house, it was a veritable tableau of our lives. They came from Los Angeles and Indiana and Illinois, from New Jersey and Maryland and Brazil.  They had heard about one another, they knew each other's stories, and last night they were face to face. It was amazing. We spent the day primping. Jesse started on their hair before noon....

One bridesmaid is here, two more arrive in the morning.  Sons and daughters and their spouses and some children have made their way to the desert.  Aunts and uncles and old friends are checking in and getting settled. Let's get this party started! Little Cuter and I spent the day buying the finishing touches - little gifts and silver shoes, conditioner and mini-cupcakes, a garter and a comb for her hair.  We started out with smiles and ended up exhausted.  She's napping as I type. The desert is dryer than Chicago, and it's higher, too.  The air is thinner and the breathing is more difficult.  With the change in seasons comes a change in the allergens in the air; MOTG may need more than one allergy pill to get through the weekend, TBG has a migraine, my eyes are itchy.  I'm glad monsoon has disappeared; I forgot the scratchy throats that come with fall. Still, the sun is shining, the clouds are high and fluffy, and love is in the air.  The ...

It's really starting, denizens.  The machatunim are on the plane, en route to Tucson as I type.  My usual afternoon blogging time will be filled with familial joy; I'm trying to focus my brain on the words I want to share this morning, and I'm scattered. Brene Brown would be impressed with me .  The author of Daring Greatly , she's big on being kind to yourself, on knowing which of the little voices shouting in your ear deserve attention - or don't - and she's full of suggestions on how to open your heart and protect it at the same time.  I couldn't be reading a more timely book. Weddings provide many opportunities for hurt feelings.  Brown's research on bullying and vulnerability and the should's which surround us would have been helpful as decisions were being made.  Little Cuter and I are fairly confident in our ability to be true to ourselves without damaging others, but the definition of other was different in this case.  Everyone had a st...

I thought I was done.  Really, I did.  Then, I woke up. The painter came to touch up the back doors; why did we notice their deteriorating state last week and not last month?  Patty came to clean and polish and change sheets and smile at me; her calm demeanor helps .... a lot.  Little Cuter and SIR are adding to the Wedding Weekend Timeline and, when I asked when something was happening I was referred back to that document in no uncertain terms.  The girl is organized and I had better get with the program. That's okay, I didn't mind being chastised.  She did it with dignity and aplomb.... kinda.  PLEASE REFER TO WEDDING TIMELINE WOMAN!   was the final line of her email. I love it when she refers to me as WOMAN! (it always has an exclamation mark).  I know that the answer will be obvious and that I've missed something that was right in front of my face and that she is smiling as she shakes her head and wonders how I managed to survive...

No, not the movie, although it's appropriate for my life this week in Weddingville. The machatunim will be the first to arrive in town for the festivities.  The who?  The what?  Once again, Yiddish comes to the rescue with a word for the parents of your child's spouse... your kid's in-laws.  Shouldn't a language which has created linguistic contortions like Muzak and Ms (no punctuation, please) be able to come up with a word for that relationship?  I'm just sayin'....... I knew I liked them before I met them; my girl would go up from school to visit and return to Bloomington calmed and well-fed. What more could a Jewish mother ask? She slept in on Sunday mornings or joined them at church, enjoying the music and the family time. She's a questioner, my girl, and his parents were always willing to answer.  For a kid who grew up without formal religious training, it's all new and something to be examined and explored.  His...

This time next Sunday, it will all be over.  Between now and then there's nothing but love. Little Cuter is the wisest bride I've ever know.  "If it's not done yet, it's not getting done," is her motto and she's sticking to it.  If there's something we've forgotten, or overlooked, or ignored, well, that's just too bad.  We are ready to be participants. Of course, hosting the event does mean that I'm on-call until this time next Sunday.  But the calls will be from people who love the kids, and the questions will be related to sharing that love.  Being in charge has never felt so good. Perhaps that's because I'm really not in charge.  I'm a helper in my own home, putting on a party for family and friends.  Little Cuter is planning her wedding, assigning tasks and approving expenditures.  I make suggestions; she makes decisions. I did my first "mother in law thing" yesterday.  Will there be golfing?  Inquiring clu...

So, there was a firefight.  It enveloped the US Embassy in Bengazi.  Our ambassador three others died.  It didn't take long for the brouhaha to spread to the political arena.  Candidate Romney, ignoring years of precedent enjoining those on the stump from criticizing Presidential actions during international incidents like these, lambasted Mr. Obama's State Department for apologizing.  Here's what caused the controversy. The Embassy of the United States in Cairo condemns the continuing efforts by misguided individuals to hurt the religious feelings of Muslims – as we condemn efforts to offend believers of all religions.    Respect for religious beliefs is a cornerstone of American democracy. We firmly reject the actions by those who abuse the universal right of free speech to hurt the religious beliefs of others. ( http://tinyurl.com/8t8eq5v ) Probably not the strongest condemnation of an assasination, I must agree.  A...

The US Attorney's office called last week.  Were we free on Wednesday?  Director Robert Mueller III, head of the Federal Bureau of Investigation, would be in town.  He'd be delighted if we could stop by the Federal Courthouse at noon to say "Hi." When the Director of the FBI asks you to tea, YES is the only acceptable response.  At least, it seemed that way to TBG and me. So, today, we drove downtown after our morning work-outs.  We parked in the lot all the way across the street and walked up to the front door.  This trip was a far cry from the first time we'd driven to the venue.  Then, TBG was pushing me in a wheelchair.  Crossing a street was beyond my capabilities; I was immobile. Today, we left the car in a shady spot and strolled across the road construction and the uneven pavement and I barely used my hiking pole.  TBG, vigilant as always, watched with concern bordering on panic as I traversed the uneven terrain.  I wa...

The monsoon is drenching half of Tucson today. The other half is dry as a bone. I got my hair cut in the sunshine and drove to PT through torrential rains. Accuweather's extended outlook promises dry and sunny for the wedding day; that's all I care about.  ***** Little Cuter admonished me this morning – "Don't get frantic, Mom!"   I think I will print that email and save it for her... and her daughter... when the roles are reversed. ***** G'ma vacillates between wanting a new dress and feeling comfortable shopping in her own closet. Big Cuter, the officiant, needs vestments.... which I, apparently, promised to create for him. TBG promises that he's been thinking about what to wear, but he hasn't made any decisions. I just have to put the rhinestone bling on the tips of my pink Converse and look for a hair ornament for the bride. These are manageable tasks. It's nice that the planning becomes easier as the day comes close...

"I am NOT an Old Lady", she said. JannyLou and G'ma and I were at what passes for a deli here in Tucson, chowing down on pastrami, turkey, and salami-and-eggs because that's what G'ma said when we asked her what she wanted to eat.  The fact that she's craving salty food might be coupled with the fact that her feet are a little bit swollen; I'm talking to the doctor in the morning. Today was girls' time. We weren't worrying about anything. I went to the pod castle after finalizing the flowers for the wedding.  I was feeling relieved, un-burdened, list free.  G'ma was, to my surprise, sitting on the couch in the family room, surrounded on each side by what passes for a handsome man in her arena, participating in the group exercise class. Olga, she who cannot be refused , was tossing an inflated globe to the residents.  As it bounced and arced and was caught and returned, her gently accented English spoke of the cruise they'd be taking tha...

The phone rings and TBG jumps up.  "I'll get it," is out of his mouth as his feet hit the floor.  It's Big Cuter.  There must've been an amazing play.With The Red Zone automatically presenting the most fascinating sequences from all the games currently being contested, there is little if any down time.  There's always something to watch.  I used to enjoy sitting on Douglas with TBG, the game a droning hum of testosterone until the fans erupted and I could look up from my book or my crossword puzzle or my Sudoku and enjoy the replay.  We could chat during commercials, or as the refs were reviewing the play; I was part of the experience. Now, when there is always something wonderful to see; when the screen is split into three or four segments, when the announcers direct your eyes to the upper right corner, there is little time for wifely chatter.  I'm welcome to stay..... if I want to watch.  September 9, 2012   2pm Hence, I am in t...

BlogHer wants to know how makeup, dressing up and strutting your stuff help you feel fabulous, confident and ready to rock the world .  The first time I read the prompt I laughed and clicked on through.  Then I became The Mother of The Bride. The event belongs to my little girl.  My outfit is much less important than her guest list and her smiles and her wedding dress.  Watching her try them on, in the warehouse carnival get me out of here atmosphere of David's Bridal or in the more subdued environment where we found the one she loved, I began to get the feeling that, perhaps, I might be able to respond to that prompt after all. There won't be any pictures of the clothes we selected; those will wait for 15 more days before they are revealed to the world.  What I can share is the wonder of putting them on. Neither of us is a shopper.  Neither of us dresses up that often.  We're t-shirt and sweat pants girls, though our guys tell us that we cl...

"I can't wait to see what a Pilate is." Today was the day that she found out.  Ten girls from the Sports Conditioning Class and ten girls from regular PE joined Kyria Sabin, Fletcher Pilates Master Disseminator and volunteer extraordinaire, for an adventure on the floor.  And what an adventure it was.   After some initial paperwork to support the program evaluation component, the girls were introduced to their bellies and their feet. Rocking forward and back, finding the spots beneath the ball of the big toe and the pinky toe and the center of the heel, challenged balance and got the students up and moving.   Curling into a little ball loosened and stretched the spine.   Kyria demonstrated the Pilates way to get to supine on the mat. and down they went. They made X's on the floor while Veronica showed them how to st-re-tc-h and thought about using their abdominal muscles to flatten out the curve in the spine. It...

It actually sounds more like "Kwitcher belly-a-kin..." with the emphasis on each of those last syllables and a pause, pregnant with menace, at the end. Is menace too strong a word?  Not really.  Not if you were the child with the problem and Daddooooo was the first responder.  Kvetching , the Yiddish catch-all for complaining, whining, whimpering, pouting behaviors, was unacceptable in my house.  The problem arose over what, exactly, constituted kvetching and what was a real complaint. If the blood was flowing, you were allowed to holler.  You had to stand still while the damage was assessed and repaired, but a modicum of sniveling was permitted.  When I put my hand through the shed window in a futile attempt to dislodge the swollen door and put my bike away before it rained, I was 13 and much too old to cry.  I jumped up and down, my eyes rolled in their sockets, I yelled and screamed but I did not cry.  I was not bellyaching.  I was cu...

I always feel sad that people have to work on Labor Day. It doesn't seem right on a holiday that, according to the Department of Labor's website , is a creation of the labor movement and is dedicated to the social and economic achievements of American workers. That has a fairly Marxist ring to it, it seems to me.  But, since the holiday constitutes a yearly national tribute to the contributions workers have made to the strength, prosperity, and well-being of our country,   I decided to participate in the promotion of that prosperity by going to the store. In my defense, I spent the morning clearing out more and more of the accumulation of crap detritus remnants of childhoods past stuff boxes and shopping bags and recyclables from the garage. In the afternoon, I distributed them around town.  I didn't do any shopping until I got to the nursery, and with a wedding-at-home in less than three weeks that counts as preparation rather than mere co...

School should start the day after Labor Day.  Families should gather for one last day at the beach/the park/the ballfield/the river and eat hamburgers and toast marshmallows and catch fireflies as the moon rises over the neighbor's chimney.  Fourth of July seems like ages ago, the air is a little bit cooler, the days a little bit shorter, and it's time to get back to work. Here in Tucson, kids have been in school for a month.  It's just not right.  In honor of Labor Day, I am taking the day off from creating a new post.  Instead, I'm reviving an oldie but a goodie, from August 24, 2009.  Read and enjoy and say thank you to someone who works for a living.  ***** The First Day of School Daddooooo always gave us a new pencil the night before the first day of school. It had the logo of his business, fancy green calligraphy and a point that was sharpened to the teeniest tiniest most perfect tip. It made you want to get to school the next morning ...