Wednesday, November 30, 2011

My Limp


I spent the morning considering Julius Caesar. Was Cicero being snarky as he praised the dictator for life for his victories and his clemency and his poetry? Did Caesar err by allowing his enemies to live? Since one of those who survived was Brutus (of Et tu? Shakespearean fame) perhaps it wasn't the best decision he ever made. Would the proposed Caesarean reforms have preserved the Republic had Caesar not been assasinated before they could be implemented? Did he really have a sexual relationship with King Nicodeme, as Suetonius's epigrams suggest? My brain was afire as I hobbled from the classroom at noon.

Three hours of sitting and listening is more than my recovering hip can handle happily. Sometimes I bring a footrest, sometimes I sit straight upright with my feet planted firmly on the ground, sometimes I cross my legs, one over the other, switching the over to the under every 15 minutes. I'm still looking for the appropriate solution. The result of stimulating my brain for hours is a stiffening of my hip joint and a hobbling gait that resembles Walter Brennan in To Have and Have Not. I'm quick but I'm wobbling.

The drive to the restaurant for lunch was too short to stretch my constricted ligaments; my gait worsened with every step. The parking lot was full; I left The Schnozz across the street in the lot for the meeting to follow and gimped into the nearly empty dining room. Where were the drivers of all those cars in the parking lot? As we ate and chatted, my friend and I watched as the Arizona Republican Club dribbled out of the meeting room behind the big wooden door to our right. Not one of the attendees walked without assitance – a cane, a walker, a friend's arm – and not one of them appeared to be younger than 70. I compared my walking abilities to theirs and I sighed.

Bette Davis was right – old age is not for sissies.

We had some more ice tea and walked across to the meeting where I found myself, once again, occupying an armless padded chair. My hip protested, but my attendance was mandatory. Leaving early was not an option. It's hard to concentrate when sitting sends shooting pains up the side of my torso, .

Tonight we're joining friends for dinner. There will be more sitting and readjusting and stabbing pains.

I'm not getting worse, though I'm not recovering as quickly as I'd like. I hurt and the rehab is hard and I'm getting frustrated and I know that if I don't keep up with the exercises and the strengthening I'll never glide gracefully across the dance floor.... not that I ever did before getting shot. 

 It is very confusing.

I parked  in a handicapped spot at the grocery store last week. I placed the blue plastic placard over the rear view mirror, grabbed my reusable bags, and amazed myself with the graceful nature of my exit from the car. I was complimenting myself as I walked evenly and precisely toward the store when my reverie was interrupted by an older gentleman who made eye contact and said “You look pretty good to be parking in a disabled parking space.” 

I stopped, I smiled, I thanked him. It felt great to be described as “pretty good” when walking was concerned.

Then I paused and reconsidered. 

 Perhaps he wasn't being kind. Perhaps he was aggravated. Perhaps he thought that I was unfairly using the placard. Perhaps he had perceived me as being whole.

I'm holding onto that thought and smiling. With motivation like that, I'll lose this limp yet.

26 comments:

  1. That is exactly when I knew that something had changed in my whole rehab process--when I began to get those comments instead of the pitiful looks I had been so used to getting. It didn't make my knees hurt any less or mean it was easier to get out of the car, but it was the beginning of a paradigm shift. Thanks for posting--it is so encouraging to know that someone else 'gets it'. I hope today goes better for you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. It's amazing how the simplest thing can change my attitude... and it's nice to know that other's are out there too. It's a big part of why I write at all, Charla.
    a/b

    ReplyDelete
  3. It is so interesting that you mentioned the exchange with the older gentleman at the end. I too have a handicap pass because I am disable but I hate using it. I'm very sensitive to comments just like the one he dropped.

    Unfortunately for me, any PT that I do is just to keep limber enough to function as I am now but as I age I am losing and will continue to lose mobility/flexibility. But it is till motivates me as do your posts...thank you for this....T

    ReplyDelete
  4. Way to REFRAME! You're becoming expert at it.

    This will sound wrong and selfish, but pain makes us say wrong things and be selfish: You describe exactly what I've been struggling with for the past several years. It's why I had to leave "the chair" after so many years of practice (and despite having found the best chair, my glove leather Stressless sweetheart). It's why continuing ed conferences became torture sessions. It's why I have a collection of portable cushions in my car when I hate having anything reside permanently in my car that didn't come on it...and none of them ever just the thing for a particular occasion or even particularly effective.

    Restaurants are now chosen for their seating rather than their food. Movie theaters, for their seats as well as their popcorn. Concerts had better be stupendous to make up for the cost in days of limp. It's a whole new world.

    It's crap. I hate it for us. Please reframe this comment for me; I need to get out of this chair.

    (Okay, I'll give it a shot.) And yet, when I can forget about it and accept it and just work with it, I love restaurants, movies, and concerts. (There, how was that?)

    ReplyDelete
  5. I think the "older gentleman" was being a jerk, but you are very smart to take it as a compliment on your seeming lack of disability! xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  6. You are writting some interesting and Best content i also bookmark this url....You guys are writing some Amazing tips. This article really helped me a lot. Thanks for sharing this. Totally Awesome Post Please Keep Posting Regulary... you are totally awesome...
    Vajor Coupons Code & Offer
    Wooplr Coupons Code & Offer
    Printvenue Coupons Code & Offer
    Makemytrip domestic flight coupons Code & Offer
    Makemytrip domestic flight coupons Code & Offer

    ReplyDelete
  7. You are writting some interesting and Best content i also bookmark this url....You guys are writing some Amazing tips. This article really helped me a lot. Thanks for sharing this. Totally Awesome Post Please Keep Posting Regulary... you are totally awesome...
    Paytm Mall Coupons Code & Offer
    Kraftly Coupons Code & Offer
    Foodpanda coupons Code & Offer
    vox clothing coupons Code & Offer
    Thats Personal Coupons Code & Offer
    Amazon Offers, Coupons, Summer Sale

    ReplyDelete
  8. You are writting some interesting and Best content i also bookmark this url....You guys are writing some Amazing tips. This article really helped me a lot. Thanks for sharing this. Totally Awesome Post Please Keep Posting Regulary... you are totally awesome...
    Nykaa-Coupons
    Amazon-Coupons
    Myntra-Coupons
    Tatacliq-Coupons
    Dominos-Coupons

    ReplyDelete
  9. You are writing some interesting and Best content I also bookmark this URL...You guys are writing some Amazing tips. This article really helped me a lot. Thanks for sharing this. Totally Awesome Post Please Keep Posting Regularly... you are totally awesome...
    Top 10 Best Coupons Site In The World

    ReplyDelete
  10. Nice Blog, Thanks for share with us. If need Website Development & Designing Services visit Ogeninfo.
    PPC Company in Delhi

    ReplyDelete
  11. Thank you for this blog. Visit Y & H Cargo india for Shipping and Freight Forwarders Services.
    Logistics Company in Delhi

    ReplyDelete
  12. Informative Blog, thanks for sharing.Visit Spin Gurus for the Music Production Courses in Delhi.
    Sound Engineering Course

    ReplyDelete
  13. To know about Mutual Fund and there investment Scheme, Visit Mutualfundwala.
    Investment Advisor in Delhi

    ReplyDelete
  14. Thanks for the article may be useful for everything

    ReplyDelete
  15. Thanks for sharing valuable Information, I really very impressive on your blog. I hope you continue on blogging job.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Great website, continue the good work! Also visit my site – alkaline water machine

    ReplyDelete
  17. Thanks for the great article and post. Need a Industrial UPS? Don’t go beyond nexusups. 10 kva online ups which offers an extensive range of exceptional Industrial UPS, and Online UPS Free to contact.

    ReplyDelete

  18. Thanks for posting such a great post . Right Selects provides its users with the exact information of the “top 10” or “top 5” industry leader of the particular industry. For instance, if you are looking for selecting the best among the array of water purifiers in India, you can visit us for getting the most accurate information about “Top 10 water purifier for home”. Additionally, at right selects, you can have the information on lifestyle products, electronics, appliances, water purifiers, restaurants as well as about the best travel places.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Keep it up for more valuable information with us. Visit Sarswatienterprises for best Bottle Caps Making Machinery, Aluminum Caps Making Machinery and Pilfer Proof Caps Making Machinery.
    Aluminum Caps Making Machinery

    ReplyDelete
  20. Nice blog. Get the best fertility treatment by one of the top IVF Centre in Aligarh, Noble IVF.
    Top IVF in Aligarh

    ReplyDelete
  21. Lakshay Arora is Intraday tips provider in Delhi 9+ year's Experience , We are deal in Stock broker in Delhi, Stock Market Expert in Delhi, Mutual funds Expert in Delhi, Types of Investment and Demate Account Service in Delhi etc. Contact us for these types of services

    ReplyDelete
  22. led lights under bed Under bed lighting adds a wow factor to your slumber spaces. Whether you're looking for LED or motion-sensing lights

    ReplyDelete
  23. cool things to do with led lights in your room - One of the coolest things you can do with LED strip lights is getting a custom-made fixture for your living room, bedroom, or whatever room you choose. It can be or say anything that you want— “love” or “here for a good time, not a long time,” or your favorite song lyric— and in any color you want.

    ReplyDelete

Talk back to me! Word Verification is gone!