It's been six months since my last poke in the arm; the CDC and my doctor told me to go do it again. So, I did. I went online yesterday and found a dose available today; quite a change from February, 2021, when chasing a vaccine meant hunkering down over the keyboard, frantically typing the same data over and over, hoping to win the available vaccine lottery.
We drove 90 minutes to get my first two shots. Today, my appointment was 8 minutes from home. Of course, I had to wait for 20 minutes while the clinician caught up with the scheduled appointments. I made good use of the wait time by questioning the pharmacy tech every 5 minutes or so. Her answer was always accompanied by a smile: Soon, dear. Soon.
My lunch plans with Taos Bubbe were for 12:30. I hate being late. I began texting her at 12:15, alerting her to the delay. The shots - extra strength flu and Moderna bi-valent booster - went into my arm at 12:25. The restaurant was across the (very busy) street. I arrived at the table at 12:31.
Why did that make me so anxious? My friend didn't mind waiting. The restaurant was not crowded. I knew that the shots would happen eventually, even if eventually was longer than I wanted to wait. I found myself tapping my foot, checking the time, texting updates, and feeling generally miserable.
And I was doing it all to myself.
Thankfully, the pharmacist called me before I had to tell myself to get a grip. He was a lovely man about my age, who placed one tab of each band aid on my arm before he administered the vaccines. It didn't hurt. His hands patted the second band aid tabs with care. He laughed behind his mask as he asked me to stick around for 10 minutes, because they say I have to tell you that.
Having survived enough COVID vaccines to require a second card to record them all, I knew that I would be fine. I walked out of the Safeway trying to leave my anxiety behind. It was a struggle. I kept going back to being locked in, to worrying about dying from the disease, to fearing for my grandkids, to all the awful thoughts and places my brain would go during Pandemica.
Joe Biden may think that the pandemic is over, but pieces of it are still very much alive, right here in my own mind. The effects of long COVID are being reported out in the medical journals; the news is not good. But there is medication that seems to mitigate some of the risks, even if it also includes a rebound effect (eg The Bidens).
I've done and am doing all that I can, and so are all my family members. I'm just tired of it all.
I am leaning into life beyond pandemic. I no longer wear a mask, but still practice protocols I put into place during those crazy times. Actually a couple were in place before the pandemic, brought about by lessons learned while teaching. We go places but still not everywhere without some thinking about timing. We get flu shots on Friday, next COVID vaccine two weeks later. I'm trusting the vaccines.
ReplyDeleteI'm masking in public indoor spaces when there are others around. I'm eating indoors, bc eating out makes life worthwhile. It's a juggling game, involving trust and fear in equal measure.
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I recognized myself in your clock watching and impatient agitation. Yes, we do it to ourselves.
ReplyDeleteWe will get out Covid boosters, the second one, tomorrow. We had our flu shots last week. We are living as if the pandemic is over, sort of. It's always there in the back of my mind.
I've had my COVID boosters and I had my flu shot last week. I still wear a mask in stores and around those I know are immunocompromised. I really don't think life is normal yet, but it's not just about COVID either.
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