Thursday, February 8, 2018

I'm Out of Sorts

A cloud has been following me around, trying to catch up.  I feel it over my shoulder, around a corner, hiding in the rosemary hedge outside my window.  It's somewhat terrifying, somewhat mystifying, and totally sad.

I haven't had a bad day in quite some time.  This feels like one trying to get in. 

I hid, for a while, in the next C J Box mystery.  But, it's set in Wyoming in December and the description of the snow and the ice and the wind had me shivering in the sunshine.  I put the book down and came to the desk, hoping that I could sort it out through my fingers.

I'm not having much luck with that, as you can see.

I'm fed.  I have fun plans for the evening.  I got a great haircut.  I played tether ball with first graders and put stickers on 4th graders and complimented third graders on their respectful demeanor.  All of that should be enough to put a smile on my face.

Oh.  Wait a minute.  I had a body work session after lunch.  Deep belly work, it's been said, releases emotions in a rush.  This, I think, is the first time it's happened to me.  The sad is deep, penetrating, as if I've been punched in the gut.  And, though with finesse and knowledge and care and love, that's kind of what happened. 

Rubbing and smoothing and plying my center seam with healing balms, helping my scar tissue break up and become absorbed back into the ebb and flow, she  put things back in place.  We stretched my psoas and opened my ribs and if it all sounds a little gruesome, rest assured that, except for this emotional download, it's been efficient and beneficial and, strangely, a lot of fun.

I like knowing what's connected to what inside my skin.  This work brings it into sharp relief; I can feel the blood going through my veins.  Slumping at the keyboard is not an option; it feels much better to sit up and out of my hips.  Last time she used trainer's tape to remind me to keep my back long.  This afternoon, I'm figuring it out for myself.

And, sitting up straight is also, somehow, putting a smile on my face.  Or, perhaps, the smile comes from sharing my woes and finding a solution right in front of an audience. 

Thanks for listening, denizens.  I've said it before and I'll say it again, you are the cheapest and most effective therapy I've ever had.

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