A Short Review - Lincoln in the Bardo

Used loosely, "bardo" is the state of existence intermediate between two lives on earth. According to Tibetan tradition, after death and before one's next birth, when one's consciousness is not connected with a physical body, one experiences a variety of phenomena.

wikipedia

I heard George Saunders on NPR's Weekend Edition and I was flummoxed; he didn't sound like The Saint.  The more I listened the more evident it became that this was not the actor back from the dead, but a master of the short story talking about the dead.  It was a driveway moment; I sat in the car until the interview wrapped up. 

The conceit of the story is immediately believable.  The telling is cryptic, requiring some work until the pieces fall into place.  It's part play, part eulogy, and pure poetry.  I kept interrupting TBG to tell him how wonderful this passage... this thought.... this absolutely how did he know that I thought about it just that way description.

I cringed.  I sighed.  I teared up and I laughed out loud.  I ran when they ran and I worried when they worried and just when I thought I had it in hand it flew up and away in an entirely different direction.  

It's a mixture of fact and if-it's-not-a-fact-it-should-be and after a while I stopped wondering and just let it wash over me.  The end left me holding the book open in my lap... for a long time.  

One of the best books I've ever read.

There Was Hugging

There was love.  There was laughter and tickling and racing and running.  There was so much hugging.

There was love first thing in the morning, when FlapJilly hid in her mommy's neck, not wanting anything more than those arms around her small self, sheltering her from the world.  There was love later on, when the zoo was tiring and her daddy's shoulders were the only place she wanted to be.

There was love in the pool in the late afternoon sun, when her tiny arms and legs paddled furiously, alternately shouting Marco and Polo, pretending to close her eyes and squealing with delight when she was caught. 

I want to like something as much as FlapJilly liked the pool was Big Cuter's accurate assessment of the situation.

There was hide and seek.  Three year olds do not have highly developed skills in this arena; squeezing into a corner of the kitchen, lying silently under the ottoman in the living room, curling up beneath the dining room chairs, each choice left her open to capture and squealing and, of course, more hugging. 



There was more food than we could finish at more meals than I can remember.  There was bacon and then more bacon and then bacon for breakfast this morning. 

SIR posted a photo on Facebook from his happy place. 

There can never be too much bacon, he reminded me as he hugged me.

There can never be too many hugs.


There was following the labyrinth at the Redemptorist Center, as FlapJilly ran races through the traces, jumping over the small rocks that guided TBG and SIR and me in and out ever closer then ever further from our goal.  She placed a few of her grandpa's coins on the rock at the center, joining the small stones and other trinkets left by other passersby, and then asked for one of her goldfish crackers to leave as well. 

There were friends dropping by, hugging me in my kitchen, sharing stories and wine and bacon.  There was jumping on the bed and pushing her Mommy's doll carriage filled with her Mommy's Beanie Babies, before abandoning care-taking for the far more interesting task of crashing the Brio trains into one another, while the wooden bears ate the wooden piggies, before the small, blonde policeman put her grandma in jail.

It was the warmest Thanksgiving on record in so many, many ways.

A Reprise of Thanksgivings Then and Now

I've been re-reading Thanksgiving posts, and smiling a lot. Here is some of the joy.   I'll be back to reality on Monday; I'm taking the weekend off.
*****
Memories Then:
..... of full bellies lying on the couch, begging for relief, as Hough's creamed spinach wound its way through an overloaded digestive tract.....

..... of my first niece, a veg even as a toddler, eating cucumbers for dinner and feeling just fine.....

..... of walks around the neighborhood, wrapped in scarves and hats culled from the front hall closet, surrounded by all ages and temperaments, mellowed by tryptophan
On dinner in Cleveland Heights at Nannie's house:
We'd sit in the dining room, using it, for once, as more than an inconvenient space between the kitchen and the tv room, sideboards groaning, waiting for Nannie's yearly screech. 

Thanksgiving wouldn't be Thanksgiving without my mother-in-law jumping up from the table, just as the first fork was lifted and yelping, "Oh, shit... I burned the rolls!"
Memories More Recent:

Thursday Afternoon: "What time are you getting your mom?"

"Oh, SHIT, I forgot about G'ma!"

*****

I, math challenged, asked G'ma how many ounces were in a cup. TBG wondered why I needed to know.  

"I don't want to measure them out, I want to know how many are in the box." Big Cuter went further. "She wants to do the math.  I know that's weird coming from Mom, but...."

They laugh at my foibles and love me nonetheless.

And my mother, my dear, demented, forgetful mother, knew, without missing a beat, that there were 8 ounces in a cup.  And she was surprised that I didn't remember that fact... and that she did.  

For this year and every year:
Thanks for being part of the wonder that is my life.  Each and every one of you makes it that much sweeter.  

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

A Warm and Wonderful Tuesday

The alarm woke me up, but I didn't mind.  I put on my favorite workout tights, ate my favorite flavor of yogurt for breakfast, accomplished great things at Pilates, and was home in time to receive our rewoven-at-a-remarkable-price poolside lounge chairs at 9:15.

I went out again.  Costco, early, open before their posted hours, offered up a great parking spot.  I went purposefully through the store, list in hand, and checked out in record time. 

Two of my favorite men carried and stacked and put away while I organized my very clean refrigerator.  Each item I placed carried a story. Lox for FlapJilly and cured meats for SIR and Big Cuter.  The cranberries and navel oranges smiled back at me from the fruit bin; they knew that Cuisinart had finally sent the replacement-for-the-recalled blade so that I could make Auntie M's cranberry relish.  There are yams reminding me of Ivette and her casserole, and I found myself missing Hough's creamed spinach in a visceral way.

The day was young, and I was just getting started. My list and I drove to Whole Foods and found stacks of fresh everything.  The butcher loaded the turkey into my cart and hoped that I enjoyed my dinner.  A helper helped me find the gravy and another walked me to the Tabasco and the cashier and I had a lovely conversation about nothing at all.  I off-loaded the groceries into the UV, having secured the first spot outside the door, and zipped home.

The guys carried and I put things away and then I went out again.  I had time to read The Lorax to another class of kindergarteners before lunch with my boys, served by my favorite waitress. I found five books at the library, and took a minute to thank the librarians. I picked up a photo at Walgreens.  I bought another twin mattress, picked it up at the warehouse, and had Big Cuter at home to get it into FlapJilly's bedroom.

All over town, people seemed to be sharing my good karma.  When there were crowds, they were well managed, but mostly, I didn't have to wait at all.  The salespeople were accessible and friendly and helpful. The prices were Black Friday sale prices. 

The chili fixings are organized for tomorrow's dinner which I'll make in the morning before I drive to pick up FlapJilly and her parents.  I found the instructions for the car seat so that SIR can wrangle it into place. No one wants to install it for me; apparently, it's a major liability issue.  We're all lucky that Little Cuter married a very handy fella. 

The AAA anticipates record numbers of travelers this holiday weekend; Tuesday will be the busiest day.  In keeping with the wonderfulness that is this particular week, the kids are arriving on Wednesday. 

All of us under one roof.   The sun comes up and I am here to see it.  By definition, it's a very good day.

The Warmest Thanksgiving On and Off the Playground

My stickers and I spent some time on the playground, enjoying the sunshine, tying shoelaces, telling stories, and watching all sorts of monkey business involving climbing and the tether-ball contraption.
Contraption is a good word.

We wrote you a thank you letter, one of the kids lining up to show me something or tell me something or hug me or plead for a sticker for the reluctant friend whose hand she was holding told me.

So did I came from the back of the crowd.

I was bemused.  My school mail slot had held no treasures, yet they were certain I had been thanked.

They were right. 

These were in an envelope hand delivered to me by the School Social Worker.

She found me reading The Lorax, as I do with every kindergarten classroom.

After all, if you don't care, who will? is an important lesson, whether you are 5 or 65.

In their notes, first graders thanked me for reading that book when they were in kinder, a lifetime ago, before acquiring the ability to end a note with Your friend, Angel.  I thought about that and about the other important lessons these new Americans were learning.

Personal correspondence is important.

Feeling thankful and expressing thanks are both important..

Writing and drawing with your own two hands imparts a special meaning.

Remembering the good things is important..

Saying I did it for you! will make you feel proud.

Smiling, I read You make me happ.  If you think about it, that's how happy should be spelled... hap-p.

Right now, waiting for my boy to walk through the door, surrounded by thank you's for stickers and hugs and reading, I'm basking in the warmth of the season.  I'm so grateful to have these little humans in my life; I could turn around and write the same things back to them all.  

And so, I will.

Excuse me while I decide which stationary to use for my thank you for the thank you notes note.

The Warmest Thanksgiving in Decades

It's not just the weather-woman who's predicting it.  I can feel the warmth and the love heading my way, and no one has even arrived.

http://www.jpetersenphotography.com/

FlapJilly took her parents to Chicago on Saturday.

Little Cuter sent photos and messages and videos.

The subtext was there, right behind the joy of spending An Epic Day With Those I Love.

So windy I can't breathe.

It better be warm in Tucson bc it's freaking COLD here.

Don't worry, honey.  Mom's got it under control

The cold snap is over.  We're moving from the high 70's back to the upper 80's by Tuesday..... coming closer and closer to 90 as you come closer and closer to being here.  I spent the day gardening, planting, creating bursts of color to delight your eyes. 

We're heating the pool.  The toys and the floats and the Super Soakers are ready and waiting.  It is all as you would wish. The sun will still be shining when we get home to Tucson; a swim can be the very first thing you do.

I love it when a plan comes together. 

I love it even more when the plan involves my favorite humans coming together, when friends and family overlap, when nice tops over elastic waist pants is the mid-afternoon dinner dress code. I love taking out Nannie's flowery plates and G'ma's flowery plates and those small bowls and tiny spoons and forks and every small salt and pepper shaker I own. 

I love the memories.  I love the here and now. 

I'm going to be very grateful all week long.

The Last Post About This, I Promise

Allegiant annoyed me then pleasantly surprised me.

Today, Allegiant entranced me. 

I copied the second, complimentary post to their Director of Customer Relations.  Today, she told me this:

We were happy to hear that your telephone call with Adam was so delightful. Although we are a large airline, we do our best to make every passenger feel as if they are our only one. It will give me great pleasure to recognize Adam for achieving this in your conversation.

 It will give me great pleasure to recognize Adam...... 

She was smiling and I was smiling and I bet that Adam will be smiling, too.  

Isn't it marvelous that our misadventure in the air has led to all this happiness on the ground?  I love that my blog post lets her give and take pleasure as she recognizes excellence.  I love that there is excellence to be celebrated.

And now, before this devolves into total smarminess, I'll stop.  There's a lot to do before FlapJilly and her parents arrive on Wednesday.

Yes, they're flying Allegiant.
It's what we do.

Tiny Apples

Did you ever have them?

G'ma found them for the High Holidays.

She left them in a bowl on the table; one of the few times I remember her decorating.

They make me very happy, in a very few bites.

Thank you, Whole Foods.

I've spent the afternoon with my mom on my shoulder.

It's been lovely.

Where's Ivanka? - A Snippet

I won every hand at cards today.  There were only three of us and the games were fast and furious.  There was a lot of shuffling and counting and dealing and even more conversation.  We're all on the same page, politically, so you can imagine where we meandered as we perused our hands.

Men behaving badly, politicians behaving badly, voters behaving badly - we had no patience for any of it.  We were laughing and crying and shaking our heads.

Where's Ivanka in all of this?

Someone asked it.  There was silence.  Then we all started talking at once.  Complicit. Absent.  Selfish. 

Not one of us thought she was standing up for women.  Not one of us thought she was tweeting #MeToo.  Not one of us thought she ought to be where she is.

And then I was sad, because this is a moment she could seize and make her own, a space in time unlike any other, where those previously silenced are now shouting from the rooftops.  I hate to see anyone waste an opportunity.

I guess Complicit is where she will have to remain.

Sigh.

Why Don't You Run?

That was Big Cuter's query last night on the phone.  After a lengthy and painful discussion of men treating women badly, centered on his feelings of helplessness and desire to do more.... but what??, we moved on to politicians behaving badly, which led to Martha McSally, my non-representing Representative, and her decision to vacate her seat and run for the Senate.

Why don't you run, Mom? 

I was ready with my response, because I've been thinking about it over the last few months.  The answer has two parts.

Part One - I don't want to mount a campaign.  I remember talking to Lynne Woolsey, our Congresswoman when we lived in Marin.  She kept calling and asking for money.  I kept saying No. Finally, I broke down and told her that we wouldn't be sending her any money, that the big donation I'd given her months before was only done to secure the signed-by-Bill-Bradley-basketball that was on auction at the fundraiser my friend held for her. 

And then I wondered Don't you have anything else to do besides making these calls?  Y'know, like legislating?  There was a significant pause, a significant sigh, and then, in a tone unlike the rest of her call, she muttered Three to four hours a day.... every day. 

I don't remember how we ended the conversation.  I do know that she stopped calling.  I also remembered that pause and sigh.

So, Big Cuter, in answer to your question, the thought of spending 20 hours a week dialing for dollars holds no appeal for me.  I ran unopposed for the school board, and that's as much electioneering as I am interested in doing.  None.

Part Two - I don't think I'll make that much of a difference. 

Would I enjoy the work?  Perhaps.  I like policy and figuring out solutions to intractable problems.  I'm not much for listening to opponents who are clearly wrong, and that seems to be a big part of any legislator's job.  I'm not that good at keeping my opinions to myself, which may be why he thinks I ought to run for office but which would not make for a very effective term in office.

More than that, though, is that I think I can make more of a difference here in my little corner of the world, where 360 elementary school kids are amused and delighted and thrilled to see me when I show up on campus.  I hold hands and tie shoes and read stories. I'll plant a garden and we'll eat Prince-grown veggies together and they'll take home starters for their own gardens, if they want to shorten the distance between farm and table. 

I'm a comforting hand to hold when recess is just too much.  I'm a solver of problems and a wiper of tears.  I'm a shoulder for teachers to lean upon.  The world is marginally better because I am ensconced in that small school.  I can see the difference I make, each and every day.  I just don't think that being one of 435 would be as significant.

So, thanks for the vote of confidence, and for thinking that your mother should serve the greater good.  For now, I'm happy tidying up right here in Tucson.

A Happy Ending

Well, you were right.  I've never been so glad to have send a scathing email.  Allegiant Air has restored my faith in the business world.... at least, their little part of it.

After being poorly treated by flight attendants and encouraged to report the incident by you, my faithful denizens,  I put the matter behind me.  As usual, writing it down had taken the edge off the angst. I assumed my email would wind its way through a bureaucratic maze, resulting an nothing more than a we received your email and thanks for telling us response.

I was so wrong. 

I sent the email off on Thursday evening, less than 24 hours later I was on the phone with Adam G, a member of Allegiant's Management Review Team in Las Vegas.  Apparently, I ignited quite a firestorm with my little post.  "A lot of people have seen this," was one of the first things he told me.

I must credit Chris Elliot, the Travel Troubleshooter columnist whose run-to-the-rescue articles make me smile every Sunday in The Arizona Daily Star.  He lists the contacts for all sorts of companies on his website, and encourages people to document their issues in writing.  I found several big-shots at Allegiant, and cc'ed them all on a cover email (which included the names of those who'd offended us, which I didn't need to publicize to make my point in the posts) linking to the two blog posts I'd written.  Apparently, Mr. Elliot is correct when he says that those at the top will listen; at least it was true at Allegiant.

Adam G was incredible.  Kind, thoughtful, patient, funny, sympathetic, he used the word unacceptable in every third sentence.  This was not the kind of behavior Allegiant condoned, and he wanted to be sure that I knew that.  He wanted me to know that everyone, from Customer Care to In-Flight Services to the Management Review Team was upset about it.  

He told me that the issue had been discussed with the crew.  He told me that I was remarkably restrained in my response.  (That was the second time in two days people complimented me on being calm; there may be something to this for me in the long run.)  

We agreed that everyone is aggravated with the airlines these days, and I noted that I hadn't said anything about the seats that don't recline or the narrowness of those seats.  I knew what I was getting when I bought an Allegiant Air ticket - direct service to my desired location on an airplane that wouldn't fall out of the sky.  He was upset, on behalf of himself and his company, that polite was not part of my experience that day.  He said it often.  He said it with feeling.  There was no doubt that this was more than just a shut her up contact.  He cared.

We serve a wide variety of travelers, and we have to be aware that not everyone is having a good day.  There it is, in a nutshell.  

Plus, he gave me goodies!  I have a travel voucher and lots of points added to my credit card, both of which we'll use to visit FlapJilly.  But, as I said in my thank you emails to the Vice President of In-Flight Services and the Director of Customer Care, the stuff is less important than the message

That message was received loud and clear.  Allegiant was not proud of the behaviors we witnessed, and it did something about it.  That is corporate responsibility, customer service, and the right thing  to do.

I wish there were more I could do, but, as I told Adam G, our family already does most of its flying on Allegiant.  I can only share with you the facts as they unfolded, and leave you with the idea that there are some really good actors in the corporate world.  I was lucky enough to be cosseted by them last Friday.

I'm so happy that Allegiant is back to being my favorite way to fly.  

Roy Moore, Kevin Spacey, Harvey Weinstein, and the NYTimes

I dismissed the kudos he awarded himself when the Executive Editor of the NYTimes said that the biggest story he published was outing Harvey Weinstein's sexual assaults.  I wasn't sure that it merited all that praise; it was, after all, not the Pentagon Papers.  It was not taking down a President, nor stopping a war.

But now, less than a month later, Republicans are calling for their Senatorial candidate in Alabama to drop out of the race after allegations that he fondled and molested a 14 year old when he was 30.  Ridley Scott is reshooting his latest film, taking out Kevin Spacey and replacing him with Christopher Plummer, after a young man accused Spacey of sexual assault.  Those accusers were merely the first to speak out; others have followed in their footsteps.

Kasie Hunt told us that she and other women in the news business never spoke up about sexual harassment because they assumed that no one would care.  An Arizona state representative is on the receiving end of similar complaints lodged by female legislators and lobbyists.

So, perhaps I was wrong.  Perhaps the NYTimes did change our national conversation in a meaningful way. 

I'm not certain that it will prevent men from behaving badly, especially when our President is a party to the issue.  It does seem to have empowered the abused, and that is a significant change.  It's caused me to wonder, for the first time in 50 years, why I didn't tell anyone about the hospital employee who backed me into a corner of an elevator and tried to kiss me.  And, perhaps, it will allow another young woman to yell, to tell, to kick, to feel that she has the right to speak up and speak out and to place the blame where it belongs.

Maybe Mr. Baquet was right after all.  Maybe he saw the ripple effect before I did.

Taking Action

I'm having a new experience.  It's making me smile and giggle and look at myself in a whole new way.

Yesterday's post about flight attendants gone bad evoked the same response from three very different people.  None of them thought that I was over-reacting.  Each one of them thought that I should report the incident upstream.  I was gently chided for taking it as calmly as I had.  They all agreed that I was under-reacting.

Never.  Ever.  Not Once.

That's how often I've been told to amp it up.

Often.  Frequently.  More than anyone wants to remember.

That's how often my behavior has been met with eyes and gestures inviting me to take a breath, to take it down a notch or twelve.

But yesterday my readers rallied around my plight, commiserating with me, placing the blame squarely on the rude worker bees in the sky, imploring me to send the email off to Allegiant Air.

And so, I will.  I'll refer them to the blog post for the gory details, and I'll supply the names in that less public venue.  I do it in the name of passengers to come, and with deep respect for those who encouraged me to make my voice heard.

I'm still smiling.  I can't picture myself as the mature human who held off clicking "send,"  only to be encouraged to go for it with gusto.  Giggling.  A lot.

This story has a happy ending.  Read the follow-up post published Nov. 13, 2017