January 8th

It doesn't have any other name.  It doesn't make the list of mass shootings on the chyrons.  It was a big deal and then not so much of one and every now and then it comes around again.
1/8/19
*****
It feels like yesterday and it feels like history and it's always a fact. It's with me, the prickly pieces usually resting in their box in the back corner of my mind, the consequences tickling the edges of my consciousness, the background noise of my life.

I'd do it again.  I'm not sorry we went. 

I wish it had never happened.
1/8/18
*****
I look fit and put-together.... and I know that CTG will still have comments.

I love that about her; it makes her who she is: a perfect little girl who is quite pleased with herself, with the world, with life in general.  She wants everyone to be just as happy as she is.... and that seems to include accessories these days, at least for this 9 year old.
1/8/15
*****

I stand on a platform held up by the souls of those lost and damaged on January 8^th . That's ... the easy answer when someone wants to know how I manage to go on. 

I am here and capable while so many are not; it would be disgraceful to do nothing with the life I have before me.

1/8/13

*****

My Empty House

Do you think it is cold in here because there are fewer bodies warming it up? I asked TBG yesterday.
*****
Every time I turn a corner, wondering who's on the couch or in the refrigerator or trying not to fall into the pool, I'm heart-tugged as I remember that there's no one here but the two of us.

The quiet is lovely.  Being back on a regular exercise routine has calmed my limp.  But that's it.  I've thought about it all day and those are the only two benefits I can see.

There are no random hugs, no slobbery kisses, nobody shorter than I am.  I have to do my own cooking and empty my own dishwasher.  Groceries no longer magically appear.  All of that happened under my adoring gaze, without my lifting a finger, as those who run their own homes moved easily into taking care of mine.

I had fun polishing the counters and swiffering the floors, but mostly I enjoyed watching others work.
*****
FlapJilly set the table, keeping track of how many place settings were required, choosing the serving utensils, reminding Little Cuter and me of Chrisitna-Taylor doing the very same things, asking the very same questions.  This one was my mommy's.  The glasses go at the top of the knives.  This was a gift from Grampa's mommy.  
*****
What goes around comes around and that warm feeling from a decade ago hugged my heart every time my very efficient granddaughter considered her choices: a slotted or a solid spoon; a pointy or a rounder fork.. 

For herself, though, the choice was clear.  Her great-grandmother's sterling sliver dinner fork.  The most impressive of the meat silverware, which lived in the right hand side of the hutch in my parents' dining room, which I don't use and which is now, with the dairy set in a box waiting or her to grow up and need it. 
*****
I didn't know when I started this post that I would actually feel warmer at the end. 

I'm surprised.  I haven't changed my clothes.  The thermostat's setting hasn't changed.

I don't know exactly where the cockles of my heart might be, but they are certainly warming me up right now..

I'm Back!

In all my years of blogging, I"ve been diligent about posting.  The only time I missed a day was when bullets perforated my self..... up until last week, when fun just got in the way.

We celebrated the new year until 2am... a new indoor/outdoor record for TBG and me.  The grown ups sat outside, drinking the champagne that had been saber-ed open as the year turned, sharing family stories.  Wrapped in blankets against the cooling night air, I watched the ones I love fall in love with one another all over again. 

Their faces watching their faces...... it doesn't get better than that.

I reveled, I kvelled, I watched the grown-ups who are my family remember and tease and giggle as the past came to life, sometimes immediately and once, from Big Cuter, several conversations after the question had been answered by the rest of us.  No one cared; we went back to where he was without a moment's hesitation.....well, after laughing, gently, at Big Cuter being Big Cuter, once again. 

We all love his careful consideration of important issues.  We all love his sister's ridiculous word salad, my forgetfulness, our various choices in pets. There were rueful moments and thoughtful moments, but mostly there was love.

Lead with love.
Be kind.
Laugh at yourself.
Avoid your mean voice.
Share the love.
Kill them with kindness..... it always works.

I'm a very lucky woman.

And, Once Again

Yes, denizens, the fun has overtaken my responsibilities to you. 

It started at the zoo (getting 8 people to one place is an exercise in logistics I've not had to consider in decades)  where there were birds of unusual coloring

and shape

and an elephant as old as FlapJilly (who will be bigger, we wondered).

Giblet called every animal Buh Buh (their nickname for Thomas the Wonder Dog, who stayed at home with MOTG and Big Bob)

and wondered why they didn't respond to his call.

Dinner out at Culinary Dropout, where ping pong and cornhole and the photo booth kept us occupied while the grown ups ate and drank to their hearts' content.  When Giblet faded, the grandparental units took the little ones home, where, since she's older, FlapJilly got to stay up two and a half whole hours past my bedtime!

We made brownies and added ice cream and decided that I'm really treating up tonight! 

Is it any wonder the only time I could find to type to you is now, after my morning shower, before I go out and join the fun?

Too Much Fun

Sometimes, there's just too much going on to blog.

I'll try, again, tomorrow.

For now, I'm just going to soak up the love.

Thanks for understanding, denizens.

The Interregnum

The first round of guests have taken a side trip to the Grand Canyon.

I pick up the second group at the Tucson airport on Saturday.

These middle two days are filled with preparing our adult size home for a toddler with a penchant for climbing.  I've unearthed the dollhouse Daddooooo made for Little Cuter 30 years ago, the wooden ferry with its cars on board that Uncle Jeff made for Big Cuter when he was small, and the alligator he made for Little Cuter when he heard that her wooden dog-that-wags-when-I pull-it had rolled its last roll.

It's 7:45 am and not a creature is stirring.

I won't be saying that again soon.

I can hardly wait!

DId You Have a Lovely Christmas Day?

Was napping part of your experience?

It certainly was here in our house.

Deck the Halls with Boston Charlie

Merry Merry Christmas !

http://liftupyourday.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/Caroling-Geese.jpg

As in years past, my all-time favorite Xmas carol, 

courtesy of Walt Kelly and Pogo. 

Sing loudly and lustily to the tune of Deck the Halls.....

Deck us all with Boston Charlie,
Walla Walla, Wash., an' Kalamazoo!
Nora's freezin' on the trolley,
Swaller dollar cauliflower alley-garoo!

Don't we know archaic barrel
Lullaby Lilla Boy, Louisville Lou?
Trolley Molly don't love Harold,
Boola boola Pensacoola hullabaloo!

Bark us all bow-wows of folly,
Polly wolly cracker 'n' too-da-loo!
Donkey Bonny brays a carol,
Antelope Cantaloupe, 'lope with you!

Hunky Dory's pop is lolly gaggin' on the wagon,
Willy, folly go through!
Chollie's collie barks at Barrow,
Harum scarum five alarm bung-a-loo!

Dunk us all in bowls of barley,
Hinky dinky dink an' polly voo!
Chilly Filly's name is Chollie,
Chollie Filly's jolly chilly view halloo!

Bark us all bow-wows of folly,
Double-bubble, toyland trouble! Woof, woof, woof!
Tizzy seas on melon collie!
Dibble-dabble, scribble-scrabble! Goof, goof, goof

Merry Christmas!!

It's Starting

The first of our many guest are arriving this afternoon.  Others will come at the end of the week.  The house is sparkling clean.  The beds have fresh sheets and the towels are neatly folded over the bathroom racks.

Mr. 16 drove over yesterday to deliver a sentimental card and chocolates for TBG and me.  As it said in the note, this was all his idea; his mother and brother had nothing to do with it.  He's grown and matured and is an altogether wonderful human being, having left the snarky older brother schtick behind.

Amster had a painting party and a cookie party and went with me to see Beautiful Annie's Nutcracker ballet.

I've had holiday lunches all over town.

There may not be much time for deep thought over the next two weeks.  I'm going to revel in the love.

Happy Hanukkah

Something in the Air

I couldn't watch the debate.  I'm so tired of people screaming about the details when the world is going off the rails.

I couldn't listen to the talking heads comparing and contrasting and making a mountain out of a mountain that I didn't want to see even though it was right in my path. 

I reread yestereday's post before writing this one and was startled by the number of typos.  I'll go back and fix them when I'm done here, or maybe I'll leave them as a reminder of how frazzled I am.

I wrapped a gift Little Cuter sent for TBG and then I couldn't find it.  I spent a few hours convincing myself that I'd included it in the gifts box I just sent her way, before I found it atop the bedding reserved for her arrival..... right where I put it so that it wouldn't get lost.... because it was so obvious a place I couldn't forget it..... and it only took me four hours to stumble upon it.

All these bits and pieces of reality are interfering with my holiday spirit. 

I am doing my best to keep them at bay.  It takes a lot of energy that could otherwise be spent correcting typographical erros.... or not making them in the first place.
 
Have a wonderful weekend, denizens.  I'm going to revel in the love, the thank you's, the Merry's and the Happy's, hoping the world can get along without me for few days.

Democracy at Work

They spoke their minds.  All day long, they spoke their minds.  

I tried to listen to "the other side" but it made my skiin crawl.  

Facts are facts, or so I thought.  Apparently, facts are not part of the process arguments being made by the Republicans.

And I keep coming back to the same thing, over and over and over again - if he has nothing to hide, why forbid his toadies' testimonies?  

And yet, no guns have been drawn.  The military is not filing our streets.  Our upcoming election is at risk and our current government is eating itself from within and the Senate Majority Leader has already declared that he is not impartial...... and yet, I have hope.

This is democracy at work.  With my fingers crossed, I have hope.