Monday, January 8, 2018

January 8th

The event.

That day.

What happened.

When I got shot.

I know exactly what I was doing on January 7, 2011 and on January 8, 2011.... right up until about 10:15 in the morning when I began to fade in and out... talking to CTG.... though I'd left her behind on the cold sidewalk.

I talk to her a lot, with less sadness as the years go by, but with the same amount of longing.  She'd be a pistol at 16, driving to school and to practices and to good deeds and to games, where she'd wave to me in the stands as she warmed up.  There's a hole in the world, now that she's gone.

TBG noticed that I'm not hiking my hip quite as much these days; my gait is approaching real walking. 

Catching up on the phone today, Heidi and I marveled at the passage of time since she was my Suzi-Sitter, driving us everywhere, though she was terrified by the traffic on Tucson's surface streets. 

Has it really been 7 years? 

It feels like yesterday and it feels like history and it's always a fact. It's with me, the prickly pieces usually resting in their box in the back corner of my mind, the consequences tickling the edges of my consciousness, the background noise of my life.

I'd do it again.  I'm not sorry we went. 

I wish it had never happened.


  1. Me, too. As in I wish it hadn't happened.

  2. I'm thinking of you and everyone else involved on that terrible day. It's imprinted in my memory. Take care of yourself.

    1. It's so strange to be at the center of a mega-event; I'm listening to my heart today.

  3. I hadn't remembered that this was the anniversary. It is also the anniversary of a friends wedding, a brother-in-law's passing, of natural causes, and my grandson's birth. Some anniversaries are just difficult to bear. Others are wonderful. Peace be with you.

    1. My helper in the garden store today told me it was her birthday. It's also the day I didn't die.... I'm trying to look at it from a new perspective while holding CTG in my heart. It's a challenge.

  4. I hate this day. I hate that you and many others have to constantly relive it, It shouldn’t have happened and we need to make sure it never happens again. I’m holding you in my heart—as always.

    Sending lots ve and hugs.

    Stacy xxx

  5. I remember that day, my only husband and nearly 44 years retired from safeway and I knew what happened in front of that safeway store and to the congresswoman gabrielle giffords, a miracle she lived at all, a miracle for you tooooo...That person I will not even say his name tried to ruin many lives, but you lives Ms.Gifford miraculously lived & many others helped to save the lives of others, I guess you were one of those special people..God has a special place for you on this earth..As time goes by you will be stronger and healthier and happier, but I am sorry it happened to you and all the others, our world has tuned upside down and is not going to peace, joy and happiness and I will pray each day and meditate for your peacefulness, health and happiness..ciaoX()


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