Friday, December 30, 2011

Last Post of the Year

It seems as though I should have something profound to say.

It seems as though my thoughts should have coalesced into something meaningful.

It seems as though, having had 357 days to contemplate my fate, my brain should have come up with something.

It seems that way.  Unfortunately, the truth is somewhat different.

I am no closer to understanding why or how or what if.

I have no answers.

I cannot predict my mood from day to day, or, often, minute to minute.

I have no certainty.

Instead of relaxing in retirement I am busier than I've ever been.

Instead of anonymity I am a public figure.

Instead of a baby blog I have a robust readership and, perhaps, the germ of a book.

Instead of wallowing in self pity I have picked up my big girl pants and made lemonade out of lemons.

Instead of being a part of someone else's project, I have created my own.

I have met the President and the Sheriff and the Attorney General and the Director of the FBI. 

I have met Tucsonans of all ages and descriptions, and have been welcomed into their warm embrace.

I have learned to accept help with grace and to be alert to those who might need a helping hand.

I have found strength and room for growth as I watch those around me cope with my injuries.

I have rediscovered pieces of my psyche, hidden away for years, now blossoming as I open my heart to the waiting world.

I don't know what my life will look like next year or the year after that, and that is vaguely unsettling.

I do know that I am surrounded by love and compassion and kindness and generosity.

I know that I will move on, dragging baggage I never asked for, carrying dreams and plans in my gunnysack.

I know that today, and every day, is a good day because the sun came up and I was here to see it.... and you were with me, keeping me company as I figure things out.

Free Hea


  1. For 2012 don't try to understand the "why", the "how", or the "if's". The answer is unaccountable. In 2012 I wish for you good physical health and a peace of mind. You've come a long way! ...debbie

  2. I am no closer to understanding why or how or what if.
    Maybe so, but you do know the answer to when?--right now.

  3. Hi Ashleigh,

    I am new to your blog and I am so glad that I found it. I have enjoyed reading your blog entries very much. Please know that I will be thinking about and praying for all of those affected by the tragedy in the coming days and weeks.

    All the best,
    Maggie Johnson,
    Statesboro, GA

  4. Yes, Olga -- If not now, when???

    Happy New Year to you all!

  5. Hi AB,

    You ARE busy. I love the GRIN program and site too.

    Whether you like it or not, you are an inspiration to so many of us. You picked yourself up and you have made the best of a horrible situation. You used your public figure status to do a lot of really great things. I wish I could be half the person you are. There are days you make me laugh and days when I cry. You are one brave, strong lady.

    The road hasn't been easy, but at least you are on the right path.

    Have a wonderful new year and we will see you back here next week.

    Sending hugs,

    Your virtual friend Megan xxx

  6. Happy New Year A/B!!! Let's all celebrate by not worrying about what tomorrow will bring, but that we have been brought together!!

  7. "I do know that I am surrounded by love and compassion and kindness and generosity."

    THAT is all that matters. Keep on keeping on and it will fall into place, or not. I wish you love and patience (with yourself). Happy New Year!

  8. That is exactly what comes to mind when I think of you - Making lemonade out of lemons.


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