Thursday, June 25, 2015

Here's My Internet!

I tried to get through to a human.  I really did.  I dialed 1-800-COMCAST four times.

The first time, they couldn't find me then they thought I was "a valued customer."  Amazing what providing a zip code will get you.

The second time, I connected with an actual human being.  She was lovely.  She wondered if I knew where the reset button was on the black Xfinity box.  Yes, I did.  I also knew how to reset it, which I did.

Unfortunately, resetting the wifi also reset the telephone.  My helpful human was gone, along with my dial tone.

I dialed again, went through the same "who are you... enter zip code.... valued customer" routine, listened to the Muzak equivalent of falling raindrops, and was then informed by an automated voicebox that they were unable to help me at this time.  There were two suggestions, and I began screaming in the middle of the first one; I couldn't get faster service by logging onto the internet because I couldn't log onto the internet and that was why I was calling in the first place.

The second suggestion was to "call back at a later time."

I groaned.  I got a drink. I called back.  If you reread the last big paragraph you'll know what happened then.  I can't bear to retype it.

Fortunately, I had agreed "to take a short survey of no more than two minutes describing the service" I received.  When Caller ID showed COMCAST on the television screen, I literally rubbed my hands together in glee.  Answering the phone, putting the robo-voice on speaker, I gave them 1 on a scale to 5, where 1 was the equivalent of  "I hate you!" or "No, no one was that nice to me," for the first few questions.

I was given the choice of having someone return my call to discuss my responses.  I chose that option, and found myself at the receiving end of another survey from a robo-voice  I gave them 0's (on a scale which now ran up to 10 for "wonderfulness"), except where I admitted that the voice had tried to offer me another service.... they considered this a good thing.

At the end, there was only "Goodbye."  No one said that I should expect a return call.  No one asked for or verified my phone number.  No one transferred me to "to the next available operator."  Nope. Nothing..... for five minutes.

That was when Jen appeared on the other end of the line.  She acknowledged that I was obviously having issues, she thanked me for picking up the phone politely, she told me that were our positions reversed she would have had a hard time being as nice as I was being to her.

Quoting Little Cuter, I told her that I was often reminded that one catches more flies with honey than with vinegar, and, for some reason, I was in a pretty good mood.

She was amazed.  She seems to hate technological problems as much as I do.  However, she assured me, she not only could fix my computer hook up, she was authorized to have access to whatever she needed in order to accomplish that feat.

I was stunned.  A real person with real skills and real power was talking to me.  My problem would be resolved.... and it was, with little effort and much laughter and a clear explanation of the issue and the solution.  She disconnected an old network, I reset the Apple router which is sending the signal to the Cuters' side of the house, and all was well.

She didn't have an email for me to send a personal recommendation, but Jen transferred me to Josh, her supervisor, who is, I hope, reading this commendation on Thursday morning.

Jen's great.  She deserves a raise.  I'm not angry with COMCAST any more, and it's all because of her.


  1. Evil Comcast (known as Comcrap around here) is the WORST!!! They are installing gigabit fiber in our neighborhood as I type, and I cannot wait to ditch Comcrap once and for all later this summer.

  2. Maybe Jen could go to work for AT&T. Probably not.


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