I've spent the last two days living that life. It was intense in a way that surprises every year. I relive it the way I relive the births of my children. Each moment has its own texture. Some are rougher than others.
I went to a community event in a movie theater on Tuesday night. There was a huge security presence, and many unarmed but well-uniformed officials standing along the walls, but my friend and I sat on the edge of the aisle, just in case. Just in case of what didn't matter; just in case was enough for me.
The videographer remembered me from years past; he told the reporter to put the microphone on my sweater and let me talk. She nodded and complied as he and I exchanged pleasantries. I uttered my three-sentences-to-tell-the-media, disconnected the equipment, and forgot all about it.
The movie portion of the evening began with somber music and wintry, fortress like buildings and a voice over recounting the events at Virginia Tech. I made it through the how many bullets went through you piece and the endless pictures and descriptions of the shooter but when the pictures of the gun..guns..more and more and more guns covered the screen ten feet from my face I got up and we fled the scene.
I have no idea how the discussion portion of the evening turned out. I took care of myself and went home, where, on the ten o'clock news, I saw myself describing a wonderful event I wished I'd attended.
Gabby has always set the bar high. I've compared myself to no one else. If I whine, I cringe, because Gabby wouldn't whine. If I want to skip therapy, I don't, because Gabby wouldn't. Her bumper sticker is still on my car, reminding the world that she continues to inspire.
Be that as it may, skydiving is one challenge that I will not be attempting.
But that's the thing about these anniversary events - they look backwards. That's important, and necessary, but not a great foundation for living a new day every day. I may not be skydiving, but I'll be Strolling and Rolling with GRIN at Christina's path on Saturday.
If you're in town, come by and say hello.