Monday, January 27, 2014

Grandma? Nannie? Bubba?

My baby is having a baby.  
She's gone from "looking like I ate too much for dinner this weekend" to having a small protrusion in the middle of her body.  Growing in size from a lentil to a grape to a plum to a kumquat, the baby is making its presence known.

Everything smells weird.  Her pants don't fit anymore - "not even close." She's over the super-exhaustion that accompanied the start of the adventure - "It's not that I wanted to sleep; I needed to sleep." Her 36 hours of nausea abated, and she's stopped wondering how anyone could be that sick for more than a day or so.  I try to keep quiet about the three or four months I spent hurling and napping while she was establishing herself in my body; she's already apologized.

SIR is proud and happy.  TBG and I are still searching for the words to describe our joy.  We find ourselves looking from one end of the couch to the other, grins plastered on our faces, grins having no relationship to the novel I'm reading or the game he is watching.  We nod, we grin harder, we go back to what we were doing.  Our hearts are full.

I've been signing letters as GMU - Grand Maternal Unit.  Grammu works for me as a name, but TBG is having issues with being Grandpooooooo.  I can't really blame him, though the rest of us are laughing pretty hard whenever we think about it.  I'd always thought I'd want to be Nannie, like TBG's grandmother, a shining star in the heaven that was his childhood, the name his mother chose for herself.

But, when I tried to sign it on a card to the newly enlarging family, my fingers wouldn't form the word. It feels like someone else.  It's not me.  

Bubba, Yiddish for grandmother and what I called G'ma's mother, has no relevance to my life today.  I loved her, but I don't need to rename myself in her honor.  And, unfortunately, the same thing goes for my own Grandma.  She was a woman who loved me, but she had an odd way of showing it.  There 
were strings attached to everything, even the hugs and kisses.  She and my mother had a contentious relationship held together by a fragile truce.  It's not the kind of scenario I'm envisioning for my future with Flapjack.

Yes, Flapjack.  Apparently, the cocoon encasing him requires regular infusions of Aunt Jemima and syrup.  SIR has offered to make them at home, pancakes being one of the food stuffs he creates with style, but Little Cuter prefers the restaurant variety.  TBG, upon hearing of her craving, cried out "Flapjack" and the name stuck.  

And now we wait and watch and wonder.  Her body is no longer her own.  She worries about another human who has no power to protect itself, who relies only on her for sustenance and care.  Her shape shifts and her moods swing and she worries.

Yesterday, sharing the picture at the top with us, she was delighted with the smile and the touchdown arms of her soon-to-be-born.  Is that fetus dancing? Smiling?  Waving hello?  Imitating the Grateful Dead head? I think it's all of the above.  That's a package of love and joy and potential, of wonderfulness and happiness and the completion of a cycle, of expectations and happiness and the continuation of the species and it's all happening right inside my little girl.  Ain't life grand?

12 comments:

  1. CONGRATULATIONS!! I just love "Flapjack" what a great nickname. When my niece had her first, my sister couldn't decide what she wanted to be called, but she knew she did not want to be called Meemaw. They finally settled on Nana and Papa as the grandchild started to talk. We have had a Gram, Ganner, Mimi, Mam, Gma and the great grandmother is going by G G Ma. My grandkids call me Grandma Ellie. Enjoy your new name whatever it turns out to be. Happiness and Joy to you and yours.

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    1. Thanks, Ellyn! This is such a lovely problem to have... mulling over love and connections <3 <3 <3
      a/b

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  2. Truly wonderful news!! I think Flajack is one lucky little one to born to such a great family.

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    1. Thank you, Bella <3 we feel pretty lucky ourselves <3
      a/b

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  3. Caleb and Cody called me Grama Mary. Cole tried to say that but it came out Maga. So...I loved the name and I have been Maga ever since! We are going to have a beautiful grand baby aren't we? Xoxo

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    1. My Dad became Daddooooo when toddling Big Cuter followed him outside to pick tomatoes... we were never sure if the kid referred to the man or the vegetable with his cry, but Daddooooo stuck <3

      You're right... our grand baby will be delicious! As Little Cuter said to m: It's incontrovertibly true that this is the most remarkable, stunning, beautiful fetus ever.
      a/b (gmu!)

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  4. Congratulations. Being a grandma is just the best thing no matter what you call it. We started out with grandma and grandpa but the kids changed Terry's to poppa which so far is just fine with us. Our grandkids have three sets of grandparents as our son-in-law has stepparents as well as his own so there has been some juggling there with names and who is who. You are just going to have the very best time of your life.

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  5. Grandparenthood is the the best. Enjoy every single moment. Our oldest granddaughter could not say Grandma, and it came out as Ga. My husband's Grandpa label came out as Bop. So Ga and Bop we are forever more. :)

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  6. Woo hoo! Saw this on your page on Facebook over the weekend. Is that sonogram for real? If so, wow! It's just too funny!

    Congrats to all.


    Megan xxx

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  7. good news. I hadn't realized how much I'd love grandchildren but hadn't known how intense it would be with my children. I liked being called grandma and usually with my first name to separate me from the other grandma

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  8. My most heartfelt congratulations on the grandchild. I am so happy for you! The baby looks really happy.

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  9. I vote for Bubbie....
    Congratulations to all!
    xo

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