Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Everybody's Got an Opinon

Why we pay attention to those opinions is a matter for speculation.  All I know is that I am surrounded by people who are letting others influence how they feel about situations that are no one's business but their own. 

A second wedding is being planned, and everyone is weighing in. I have zero tolerance for buttinski's around this issue, as those of you who've been reading for a while, and remember the posts surrounding Little Cuter and SIR's nuptials can attest. There is enough stress attached to the whole change of status piece of the event; there is no reason to make the celebration another place for angst.  Still, it's happening.

Her boss has opinions on the validity and sanctity of a marriage performed by an internet-ordained minister.  Not taking it seriously was my favorite comment.... as if asking a best friend to consecrate what he's watched develop over time is somehow lacking in sincerity and depth.  True, there aren't many qualifications for the on-line ordination, but I'm not sure how that is relevant. Priests go through years of training, and not all of them have lived exemplary lives. Rabbi's go to seminary and study ancient texts, but that doesn't always translate to their ability to advise in the real world.  Somehow, asking a person who's shared your struggles and watched you come out on the other end seems more personal, more relevant, more right than employing a stranger.

Without any attachment to formal religious practice, the couple looked to their hearts and chose his best friend. They could have chosen a judge, but overlapping workplaces would make certain situations awkward at least, and untenable at the extreme.  Having watched Big Cuter unite his sibling and brother-in-law in matrimony by the power vested in me by my sister going on the internet, the bride knows that such ceremonies can be special.... personal... perfect... and can result in a marriage that will last forever.

Don't believe me?  Just ask the kids.

The reluctant officiant seems to think that with the sudden addition of the bride's family to the very small list of invitees he is no longer capable of conducting the ceremony.  Somehow, her family's arrival dictates a more traditional service.  I'm not sure why.  I've never met anyone from Iowa who stood on ceremony, and I've met a lot of people who are from Iowa since I've been acquainted with SIR.  They are the most down-to-earth, let's-get-this-done crew I've ever known.  Why they are intimidating him I do not know.

I've offered to go to the courthouse with them tomorrow and get it done.  I've offered Big Cuter's services, in case they want someone with experience. I've even offered to become ordained myself and do the deed my way. 

Times are changing, and weddings are being dragged along with them.  There's no reason that I can see to have anything but the ceremony she wants, with the minister she chooses, in the venue that makes her smile.  There shouldn't be any pressure, there shouldn't be any expectations, there shouldn't be anything but the celebration of a love that has weathered its storms and come out on the other end stronger and more committed than ever before.

It's a love story.  It's not an event.  People ought to recognize that and get out of her way.


  1. When it comes to weddings, in my personal opinion, the bride and groom have the final say. It's their wedding and they will do it how they want. When it came to my wedding, hubby and I did it how we wanted. My MIL did come to my fittings, but she was pretty hands-off (which I liked and wished she did more of with other aspects of our lives).

    Hope the bride and groom do it their way and create beautiful memories.

    Megan xxx

  2. I think of them as celebrations and so long as whoever does the deed doesn't go on forever and put in a lot of false stuff, I don't think it matters. i know three people now who got the legal right to marry others. One the least expected of the lot but if it's what the couple want, I'm all for it. Finding the right person to marry when our kids got wed was tricky as they were out of churches but it worked out fine as one was a minister and the other had left the ministry. The main thing is the big celebration of the union as family and friends give their support through attendance

  3. Oh please ... it should all be up to just the bride and groom! (And maybe a little to whomever is paying for the celebration). My oldest son is also an internet minister and my only complaint about the ceremony he conducted for his brother and new SIL is that it was too SHORT. (Including the rings and kiss it was only about 8 minutes.) He had some wonderful things to say to the couple and while my preference would have been to include God in the ceremony, it wasn't theirs and so I never questioned their choice on the "minister" or anything else. (Well, almost true ... I would have liked them to buy flowers for their mothers to wear ... but I only asked if there would be flowers and didn't bug them about it when they said no.) My son has officiated at numerous other marriages where the couples had no church affiliations and he puts a lot of time and thought into his ceremony.

  4. Friends of ours asked a close friend to officiate. He got an internet license and really put a lot of though into what he said. I think that is such a cool way to go. We drove down to Olympia,WA and had a judge that my husband used to sail with say the words. Then we all went out to a fancy lunch and went home. It was nice. When did weddings become such a big deal? Why must the bride and groom be put under such pressure?

  5. Thirty years ago, my husband and I had our best friend, the Mailorder Minister, as we called him, perform our wedding ceremony. We wrote our vows and he officiated. Our parents were wonderful and the ceremony was in my mother & father's back yard with our closest friends in attendance. It was just like I wanted it to be, as it should have been. Tell your friends to enjoy their day and to do it their way.

  6. I am preaching to the choir, it seems! The prospective bride is cheered by your words, denizens!


Talk back to me! Word Verification is gone!