Wednesday, October 2, 2013

This Shouldn't Be Happening

He was one of TBG's first hires in San Francisco. He was an adult who could ask for advice, a list maker, a responsible and honorable man. We've always had a soft spot in our hearts for him, as he married and had two daughters who are every bit as beautiful as their mother... their mother whose tummy ache last month turned out to be an intractable cancer in her appendix.

Really.  Her appendix? It's a useless organ, anyway.  How dare it cause pain and suffering to my friend?

He's been her sherpa, shlepping wife and stuff to doctors and scans and back over The Bridge again to home... where those two little girls wait to check in and be sure that Mommy's doing ok.

I'm not there yet I'm sure. As I said in the letter of recommendation for their family's entrance to a local private school (don't ask.... it's happens), they must be good parents because they do just what I would do. Their values are similar to ours, though our upbringings couldn't be more different. You don't have to start from the same place to end up in the right place.... and we are definitely in the right place.

There are photos of the girls cavorting in Mom's bed, she under the covers and they snuggled and smiling and then rolling and tumbling and everyone is smiling, great big wonderful smiles that are there, battling the disease and the sorrow in its wake.

He and TBG talked this morning about the public side; it's hard to know what to share, how much to make public, who wants to know and who ought to know and who's just curious. They touched the necessary and humbling experience of saying Yes to offers of help. He's just beginning to be able to hear that, perhaps, he might not be able to shoulder the entire burden himself.  It took TBG more than a few days before he handed the house keys to JannyLou and told her to do what she thought needed to be done. We get it. One day at a time, one issue at a time, remembering to stop for a hug and a smile.

He's arranged 24 hour child care, and has made the second opinion phone calls. He's resilient and capable and blessed with resources to make things easier but his wife is ill and I can't imagine that he's thinking about anything else.

Friends and family have rallied at The comments all say the same thing - she is a wonderful woman, a great mom, the community loves her and needs her and misses her.

There's not a wimpy bone in her body. She sets high standards for her family and herself and there's no reason to think that she won't rise to this challenge too.  I just hate that she has to try.

I didn't like getting shot... I hate this.


  1. I hope your friend's wife gets better and hopefully the cancer can be treated. Not that cancer is any worse for people without children, but it's especially heartbreaking when children are in the mix. They do not understand and it's very hard on a family when one parent is ill. My heart goes out to them. Hadn't heard of the Lots of Helping Hands site. Awesome site.

    Sending lots of hugs.

    Megan xxx

    1. I put the site in there because it deserves publicity.

      This is so very hard, so very sad. Writing it helped me deal..


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