Thursday, August 30, 2012

I Have The Look

Crystal mentioned it yesterday at PT; there's something going on behind my eyes.

It's not anything to do with the residue of being in the path of 9mm bullets.  It's not anything to do with my aches and pains. G'ma is fine, or as fine as one can be with dementia and glaucoma and a set of clicking dentures.  TBG doesn't go to the dentist again until October.  The people I wanted to win won in the primary election yesterday and one of them even takes my phone calls.  Life is good.

Yes, life is good..... and if it weren't for the fact that 100some people will be partying in my backyard in less than thirty days.....less than 30 days, denizens!

It was decided so long ago, she was asked and said yes so long ago, it's been on our plate since so long ago that some part of what's behind the look in my eyes is the fact that the anticipation period is almost over.  I've always liked the part leading up to the event almost as much as the actual party.  Watching the home team's pitcher on the mound right before the first inning is my favorite part of baseball, too.  All that work, all that time, all the effort and worry and preparation was in service to that moment - the beginning.

This is a true beginning - the start of my daughter's married life.  She will probably have a new name, though that's presenting somewhat of a quandary.  She's leery of sounding like a law firm when she answers the phone.... she likes her maiden name..... she loves SIR and his name is a good one.... and who wants different surnames within one family?  Ask Not-Kathy..... she'll tell you in graphic detail why she gave up the different-from-my-children's surname. This should be at the top of my worry list.

And yet.... there are plates and cutlery and napkins to be secured.  There is weather to be worried about.  G'ma needs a dress and mine is on the third fitting with no end in sight.  Little things keep popping up, like how to keep people from parking in front of the house without putting orange cones on the street.  JannyLou has been a fountain of information and suggestions and ideas; they flow from her brain to her mouth to my welcoming ears.  There are solutions to every issue; I just have to act on them.

That's where I'm stuck.  Taking action brings me closer to the day..... and that should be a good thing, right?  Everyone loves everyone else. The plans put a smile on everyone's face. It's a party.... what's the problem?

I don't know, denizens.  I just don't know. I am anxious about everything - the parking and the deliveries and the set up and the staffing and most of all, the biggest worry, the thing that keeps me up at night, is that I'm forgetting something huge.

We have to figure out the order for the ceremony... who will walk when and with whom and sit where and stand when.  I have to conceive of a clever way to close the library doors to guests without making them feel unwelcome in my home.  The second french door to the yard is stuck; it needs to open so that the inside and the outside feel like one and it's refusing to cooperate.... perhaps because it's on TBG's side of this problem: bugs might fly in if the doors are open all night.

But all of these issues are manageable and not worthy of sleepless nights and anxious tummies in the middle of the day.... like right now... sitting at Amster's table, waiting for Mr's 7 and 9 to come home and play with me.  I'm afraid that if I take care of these issues others will rear their ugly heads... others that might have no apparent solutions.  I laugh at myself when I think that, as I did when I typed it just now.  Yet, I do nothing.

I've been paralyzed into inaction before in my life.  I've stared at tasks and wondered why I continued to leave them undone, even as deadlines approached.  This is different, somehow. I don't know why; I've hosted big parties before without tying my belly in a knot.  I'm not sure there's an answer deeper than "it's a wedding at home" that is needed.  I just wish the feeling would go away.  Soon.


  1. I believe you are a highly organized person and it's possible that due to your trauma you've lost a few of those skills which might be adding to those knots. Plus, as you said, it's not just a big party, it's your daughter's wedding! And no matter how wonderful that is, your mother of the bride emotions may be getting in the way. I have faith that it will all come together just right and be just beautiful. (Possibly you could hang a floral arrangement on the library doors, attaching by ribbons to both handles so people would think twice about disturbing flowers to go in that room?) I think I'm glad that I'm "only" going to be mother of the groom at a wedding at the Tucson Botanical Gardens ... of course that will be next March so we may still have weather issues. Now, get those plates etc. ordered! You've mentioned that a couple times so it must be time to do it.

    1. You just made me feel better about myself <3 Went to the Dollar Store and found a wired garland of hearts which I will entwine through the handles, like those ribbons you suggest. March will be beautiful.... as will late Sept. Now, on to those plates!

  2. I've been meaning to chime in here for awhile, but TeNNiS is in the air and on TV and has consumed my life this week!

    I know how much stress these things can cause, but try not to let em weigh you down. Try to enjoy the moments as they come, trust the process and surrender to the things over which you have NO control. When I find myself in a pinch and drowning in worry, I always do a visualization exercise that helps tremendously. In your mind, try to place your worries and other stresses in a box and ship it to God. I always feel lighter when I do this & let go...I know it's so much easier said than done.

    Before you know it, the wedding will be a memory & a beautiful occasion no matter what.

    I gotta tell you a funny story about my nephew Joe & his bride Maggie on their special day last week. Not to stress you out, but you might get a chuckle out of it. It was quite a CiRCuS, but unforgettable!

    The couple arrived on time to the venue of the ceremony & were greeting their guests. Everyone had gathered and were about to take their seats. As things were about to get underway, they soon realized that NO one in the party had the marriage license in hand!!! Even worse, my sister (MOG) had inadvertently THROWN IT IN THE TRASH thinking it was clutter!!! Once they ran home to retrieve the licence & perform the ceremony, things settled and they proceeded to exchange their vows, etc...

    Near the end of the ceremony, when it was time to exchange wedding rings, my nephew was overcome with panic as he realized HER RING WAS NO LONGER IN HIS POCKET!!! All everyone could do at that point was laugh!!! Soon, after retracing his steps, he remembered playing with the ring in his pocket while waiting for the ML & searched frantically for the ring to find it nestled in the bowels of the sofa. It had fallen out of his pocket & he was lucky to find it in a hurry and place it on her finger. Talk about CRaZy ToWN!!! We all just laughed and enjoyed watching them sort it all out. Love was all that mattered...

    It ended up being a beautiful day, in spite of a few glitches. EVERYONE will ALWAYS remember their day and laugh about it for years to come.

    Things always work out. It will be a beautiful day, I am sure. They will be happy just to have it finally over with and celebrate their love with dear ones.

    Hang in on those around you who can & will help you if you ask.

    Enjoy your day, S.


    1. Lost license, lost ring... I'm giggling! Thanks for the love and the laughter; it was just what I needed. YES, as Little Cuter and I emailed today, it will be an evening with those who love her and that, in and of itself, is enough!

  3. We are one year out from a wedding for our daughter. It is a destination wedding which is in a very remote area. Daughter and son-in-law to be seem to have no concept of the possible issues which are likely to arise. They blithely assume it is just going to be a large hard can that be? I am somewhat looking forward to being in your current spot-30 days out, and the festivities soon to begin.

  4. Having been part of putting together three weddings, my advice is to get someone to help coordinate the last minute details that day. Do all you can ahead of time, give that person the instructions, but have an organizer on hand and then let it be a party for you. That worked very well for me. It can be a relative, a best friend, but someone who has a list, can keep an eye on the order of things and won't be in the emotional position a mother of a bride is. Then it's just a big party and you can enjoy. It worked for me.


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