Friday, April 28, 2017

Non-Apology Apologies

How's this for manipulation:
 I  will take all this blame for your horrible life, if you just please try and realize... that I never meant any harm on you guys.

Trust that the facts are not in her favor, that you guys are teenagers, and that she started it.  Yes, the grown up's feelings were hurt and she went for the jugular. And then she defended it, and herself. You guys saw through it and called her on it, not with any hope that she would listen, but to speak up, with love and admiration, for themselves and the other objects of her scorn.  Watching resilient kids discover their power is both heartbreaking and exhilarating.  That's the only silver lining I can find in the whole sordid mess.    

The grown-up is making deals, is demeaning the pain, is seeking forgiveness.  She's the definition of a tricky person."

Have you seen the story about the kids who saved themselves from a child abduction? They recognized that the man asking for their help was a tricky person.... because grown-ups don't ask kids for help.  

"I'll take the blame if" is not accepting responsibility.  

It's her reality that matters, not theirs, since she never meant any harm. Taking the blame does nothing.  Blame and Responsibility are separate and unequal rungs on the ladder of Whose Fault Is It, Anyway?  Of course she will be blamed; she was the grown up and you guys were little children.  Could she be implying that somehow you guys were to blame?  I never met the woman.  I really don't know.

This is only one sentence.  The entire diatribe would make for an interesting case study; every sentence is rich with irony and pain.  I'm choosing to be happy, so I'm leaving the story with you. I'm going out to fertilize my flowers, the way good parents nourish their children, with just the right amount of good food and fine music and intelligent conversation, even though it's hot and I'm tired and I still have to cook dinner.  I'm putting their needs before my own, because that's a good foundation for parenting little ones and, most of the time, bigger ones, too.

I'm glad you guys have found safety and security and love and good food and fine music and intelligent conversation.  I'm leaving the nastiness right here.


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