Fatherhood

SIR took a vacation day on Tuesday.  It was his birthday present to himself.  Little Cuter was at work, but that was okay.  His plan was to spend the day with his daughter.  He took her to swim class.

I don't remember my father ever taking a day off work to spend with me.  I went into The City to his work when I had vacation days, but the notion of turning that on its head and having him follow me around on my daily rounds was never considered.

TBG never missed a game or a performance (for the most part), but he never took a whole day and spent it hanging with the kids.  I was there.  The babysitter was there.  Work beckoned... and it was a workplace that took pride in the fact that the employees retired with years of vacation days in the bank.  He never took a vacation without feeling guilty. The thought of being home and available when his colleagues were at their desks was filled with angst.

When Little Cuter spent a weekend in Texas, SIR was FlapJilly's primary caregiver.  Daddy Day Care involved building forts and taking walks and going out to breakfast.  Despite his co-workers' amazement, SIR didn't find it onerous.  He was not, he reminded them, babysitting.  It was his own child.  He was parenting.

No one is keeping track of who does what in their house.  Nominally, she's in charge of the inside, and he's in charge of the outside.  But the garden is hers, and he is no stranger to the washing machine or the vacuum cleaner.  If it needs to be done, it gets done.  She cooks, he cleans, and no they don't need any help from me.

So, I sit and act like an honored guest.  The fact that I am noisy when washing dishes might have something to do with it (I am the loudest loader of a dishwasher in the Western Hemisphere, I am sure).  But it's more than that.  They have established a routine and I'm just in the way.

Daddooooo did the dishes.... after he retired.  When G'ma was working, he did the pots and pans.  He was in charge of the barbecue, but only after G'ma had prepped the dish and presented it to him on a serving tray.  He was good at removing splinters, but I have no memories of him giving me a bath or choosing my clothes before an outing.  I would have been quite surprised had he offered either one.

For a nano-second of history, it felt as if we were living in a post-racial society.  I've been disabused of that notion, although I have great hopes for The Cuters' generation. Ethnicity is never mentioned when Big Cuter relates his adventures in on-line dating.  It's not an issue for him.  FlapJilly's neighborhood is filled with children of all colors, and they shoot hoops and ride scooters and chase one another in a delightful mix of cultures that warms the cockles of my heart. And in the middle of all that fun, the dad's are there... supervising and smiling and being involved.

My granddaughter will grow up knowing that a black man can be President.  She may watch America elect a woman to that office, too.  She won't be surprised to see female Supreme Court Justices or police officers or fire fighters.  She will expect the men she meets to treat her as a person, looking beyond her gender and into her character.

I credit her father for setting the example.  My girl chose well.

A Staycation in Chicagoland

The Little Cuter and SIR spent the long weekend on a Chicago stay-cation. SIR planned the whole thing; all she had to do was pack. Here's her review of the experience --- my guest post for Friday:

Wednesday & Thursday- Harrah’s

HILARIOUS and good times at the casino… except it ate all my money…. Damn slot machines! I gave up on the slots after I lost $40 and then gained 10 back playing roulette. I’ve decided I’m no longer intimidated by the tables.... We stuck out like sore thumbs being the only under 60 year olds in the place, but we had a great time nonetheless. I also learned that winning a free dinner buffet might sound like a huge score, but using the coupon after having a few rounds of beers will leave one so uncomfortably bloated that one must retire to the room for an hour and unbutton one’s pants whilst groaning. Hint: never eat pizza AND mashed potatoes from one plate.

Friday—Bulls Game

The NBA is difficult to watch nowadays. The first half is a giant throwaway and feels like you’re sitting in a live commercial break. When the game finally ticks down to the final minutes you can see actual talent on the court and things get interesting. This is why it is important to bring a (hidden from the security guards) flask of whiskey to the game— it numbs the feeling that you’re being ripped off. However, we did end up getting our money’s worth as the game went in to DOUBLE OT!!!! And we got to witness Derrick Rose’s highest scoring NBA game yet. I kept asking SIR if he thought Rose would score more points this year than his faked score on the SATs. My humor was not appreciated…

Saturday—Free night at the Wyndham

Nothing quite compares to having a boy in your life who people throw freebies at … it is delightful. I kept telling SIR that I LOVED being the beneficiary of his charms. We got a corner suite at the Wyndham, and a free bottle of champagne and a cheese plate that we ate in pj’s on the GIANT fluffy bed while we watched the Saints game. I was basically in heaven.

Then we went to the Signature Room where we had two very overpriced Long Island Iced Teas and cursed our luck at going up there on the ONE foggy night of the year. Couldn’t see squat. I took some ironic “view pictures” though.

We woke up in the morning to our check-out sheet slipped under the door and attached? Two free breakfast buffet tickets!! TWO FREE BUFFETS in one week!

Sunday- Blue Man Group

YOU MUST SEE THIS SHOW. It knocked my socks off. We are totally going next time you are in the city.

Monday- Chinatown (my idea!)

I’d never been to Chinatown here in the Chi as I’ve heard it was superdupercalifragilistiexpial-idociously lame, but the whole point of the stay-cay was to do things in the city that we’d never otherwise make time for. So we went. Took the train and it dropped us off RIGHT there (gotta love the city!) and it’s true, the town itself is a little sad—only one street.

But it was perfect because SIR is nothing if not a VERY THOROUGH TOURIST. We walked in and out of every shop on the street and bought silly trinkets for a dollar and a Sake set and saw the world’s fanciest Menorah shop (what is a Judaica shop doing in Chinatown? I’m not sure…. But they felt they had the right to charge $500 for a menorah, so poo on me!).

Then we ate dim sum and split the world’s most delicious Mongolian Beef. We decided that we would declare the day “ASIA DAY!” and on the way home stopped and bought some sake at Jewel (only in Chicago do they have sake in the grocery store). Then we went home and giggled while we unpacked our goodies and SIR planted the three bamboo stalks he bought and turned our apartment into Asia for the night. We googled “how to drink sake” and followed all of the traditional heating and pouring techniques until the liquor got the better of us and we gave up.

Seriously, a blast was had by all. I felt like I was off work for a MONTH and was actually looking forward to coming back and getting back in to my routine. The gluttony was a bit out of control with 2 (TWO!!) buffets in one week, so I decided to double the workouts this week and I woke up this morning and drank a cup of DETOXIFICATION tea (thank you, Chinatown!).

(And thank you Little Cuter for this post!)