It seems as though my thoughts should have coalesced into something meaningful.
It seems as though, having had 357 days to contemplate my fate, my brain should have come up with something.
It seems that way. Unfortunately, the truth is somewhat different.
I am no closer to understanding why or how or what if.
I have no answers.
I cannot predict my mood from day to day, or, often, minute to minute.
I have no certainty.
Instead of relaxing in retirement I am busier than I've ever been.
Instead of anonymity I am a public figure.
Instead of a baby blog I have a robust readership and, perhaps, the germ of a book.
Instead of wallowing in self pity I have picked up my big girl pants and made lemonade out of lemons.
Instead of being a part of someone else's project, I have created my own.
I have met the President and the Sheriff and the Attorney General and the Director of the FBI.
I have met Tucsonans of all ages and descriptions, and have been welcomed into their warm embrace.
I have learned to accept help with grace and to be alert to those who might need a helping hand.
I have found strength and room for growth as I watch those around me cope with my injuries.
I have rediscovered pieces of my psyche, hidden away for years, now blossoming as I open my heart to the waiting world.
I don't know what my life will look like next year or the year after that, and that is vaguely unsettling.
I do know that I am surrounded by love and compassion and kindness and generosity.
I know that I will move on, dragging baggage I never asked for, carrying dreams and plans in my gunnysack.
I know that today, and every day, is a good day because the sun came up and I was here to see it.... and you were with me, keeping me company as I figure things out.
HAPPY 2012, DENIZENS!
MAY IT BE FULL OF JOY AND WONDER FOR YOU ALL