Watching the XGames

And right away I'm in trouble because I'm not sure how to spell it. No, that's not exactly it, either. I know the letters and the order in which they go, but I'm not sure where the capitals should be.

I'm feeling very old.

Okay, now I know that it's two words - X Games - and I have the link but Danger, Will Robinson! Danger Will Robinson! if you click here I fear you may inadvertently activate a most annoyingly loud and TMI ad for who-knows-what-because-I-shut-the-tab-before-it-got-there. Don't say you weren't warned.

Anyway, there was nothing, I mean absolutely nothing on television. We were reduced to lip synching old Law'n episodes (none of which featured Lenny, so why bother, y'know?) when were captured by twirling colors and psychedelic lights while flipping for a go to during a commercial.

Snowboards are pretty. The bottoms are as decorated as the tops. And you get to see the bottoms as often as the tops, so that's important. And it's not a NASCAR-like all ads decoration. Mixed in amongst the Monster Drinks and your US NAVY/A FORCE FOR GOOD are swirls and bold splashes and above it all is a smiling face. Even if a switch double misty 1440 was less than perfect, there was a happy to be alive right here right now face grinning at the cameras.

When the face wasn't squirting water at the cameras.....a mouthful of water.... oops, there was that smile after all!

These are NOT your father's athletes. The boys and girls could share pony-tail scrunchies for all the difference it would make. The photos displayed on the mega-gigantic-humungous-hilltop- screen are goofy. On purpose ...... they're trying to make you giggle. And you do.

Shaun White is the only one I know. After a second run where he hit heights 3' or 4' bigger than the other guys (honestly, that's how the announcers describe it), he apologized for his ?poor? performance by saying that "Having hit my head didn't help anything......I'm seeing stars... hehe" before he went right back to it.

And going back to it meant being upside down over and over doing the same things that led to the board hitting his face and his chin hitting the edge of the embankment. From a few feet in the air. At speed. The mother in me wanted to jump into the screen and rescue him from himself.

I'm too old for this, at least.

This is where the young announcers are. Brent Musberger, Pat Summerall, Verne Lundquist? Hardly. There are dreadlocks here, for crying out loud.

And then there are the particpants. One became a member of the US Team at the ripe old age of 12. Louis Vito's nickname is Tiny Dancer. Is that guy wearing pajamas? Red and black plaid chef's pants, at least. My personal favorite? Iouri Podladtchikov, his name enunciated deliberately and clearly and with a smile, before they relaxed and felt comfortable using his nickname: iPod.

Though not performances in the sense of ice skating, there's a rhythm and grace to the tricks. I love that there's no subterfuge, these are tricks and they are just a little bit dangerous because otherwise they'd be moves. After a while, I began to see the patterns; the double cork drew the outline of a double helix. I tried to count the turns in the air, but when I really paid attention I got nauseous so I had to stop.

I am clearly too old for this.