Watch the Republican Debate With Me

The clown car pulled up to the same arena in which LeBron works his magic, discharging 17 contestants for Republican-Candidate-For-President.  The bottom seven spoke earlier in the day; I was out having fun. Now I am on Douglas the couch, having a different kind of fun.  It's starting out to be so awful that it's wonderful, like a 3 Stooges pratfall.

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The pre-game show is embarrassing, but that might be due to my unfamiliarity with the Fox news team.  The qualifications of the men on the stage were attacked from the beginning, and I am impressed for the first time (and, it turns out not the last time) with the toughness of the questions. 

The men were put on the spot from the first.  Donald Trump refused to pledge support for the eventual nominee nor would he rule out running as a third party candidate. Ben Carson's inability to recognize Alan Greenspan or NATO members was the second question.  He's a thoughtful man, a smart man, who had me on his side until he began talking about giving the military free rein to get the job done.

Seven Days in May.... Dr. Strangelove.... I don't think so.

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Trump justifies his misogyny by calling Megyn Kelly out for political correctness.  The audience - women in the audience - were applauding.  He says I yam who I yam and if you don't like it too bad. And the audience cheered.  

I know I am supposed to love Americans and love America, but these people scare me.

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Governor Walker says that unborn babies are more important than the women carrying them.  Mike Huckabee knows that the zygote is a human being because of the DNA schedule.  I wonder what the DNA schedule is.

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I find myself agreeing with Rand Paul about not arming the enemies of ISIS, ISIS which is driving around in millions of dollars of American equipment, and then, as if the Republicans are on a roll into my heart, Ohio Governor Kasich begins talking about mental illness, the working poor, the overwhelmed ER's, Medicaid, job growth, and I'm smiling.  

Jeb Bush spoke about earned legal status for those without other options and he stood his ground and I was vaguely impressed until he kept talking and it became babbling and then there was Donald Trump fantasizing about building a beautiful wall, calling out the stupid leaders of the United States... even the audience gasped.  

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Lenders lost billions, Mr. Trump, after your bankruptcies.  I have taken advantage of the laws of this country.....  They need somebody like me to straighten out this place.  

His message seems to be congratulate me on being smart enough to take advantage of every loophole in order to become a billionaire; send me to Washington and no one else will ever be able to do it again.

I'm not sure I'd trust him to do the right thing.... not sure at all.

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Gov. Kasich,  would you accept a gay child who chose to marry?  I'm an old fashioned guy, I'm traditional.  But, the court has ruled and I must accept it.  And, I have.  Of course I would love him.  Of course I would support him.  That's what we're supposed to do.  I'm gonna love my daughters no matter what they do, because God gives me unconditional love and that's what I'll give to those around me.  

This is religion that doesn't make my skin crawl.  

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Chris Christie wants to increase the size of our military.  He hugged every 9/11 survivor and family member he could find.  He thinks FISA courts are just fine.  He's well prepared. 

He's a New Jersey politician and therefore, by definition, untrustworthy...... Bill Bradley not withstanding.

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And in the end, I am furious, because instead of asking about sensible gun legislation, about making my daily life safer, about race relations, about veterans, the candidates were asked whether they had received a word from God about what to do first.

And no one laughed.I am estranged.  

God is a Republican, according to Marco Rubio, since He chose so many fine candidates on Rubio's side and none on the Democrats'.  These are not people with whom I have very much in common.

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Ted Cruz declared war on just about everyone. Ben Carson made people laugh and was smart enough to avoid specifics (because they are really scary).  Mike Huckabee's screed about Trump turned out to be a criticism of Hilary.... oh, right.... sure.... but Trump was laughing at himself and that, in itself, was interesting.  His bombastic end to the two hours was very Fox-like, and then, like Megyn Kelly, I was done.

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It was more interesting and less cringe worthy than I expected it to be.  There are some deeply frightening people on the stage right now, hugging their families and trying to appear relaxed.  I am more informed than I was before, and that is a good thing.