I couldn't fall asleep last night. I tossed and turned and changed pillows and blankets and I wasn't anywhere near relaxed. Then, I rolled over to the side of the bed on which Thomas the Wonder Dog had taken a nap, smooshing the covers into a wrinkled mess. He was long gone, but his aura must have remained; I fell asleep immediately.
I'm in Illinois, awaiting the arrival of FlapJilly. I filled a giant rolling suitcase with assorted shorts and skirts and dresses and shirts and every pair of summer shoes I own... because there was room and why not. TBG hefted the finished product and concluded that I was very close to the 50 pound weight limit. The scale at the airport concurred; 46.9 pounds was the digital conclusion.
The plane ride was fun because I was surrounded by grandmothers. My seat mate shared picutres of her four daughters and three granddaughters and the lady across the aisle and I shared stories of our pregnant daughters and the hours flew by, filled with love and longing. I was the only one of us on our way to visit; they were jealous.
They were right to want to be me right now. I am surrounded by baby stuff - stroller and car seat and jungle play mat and baby bathtub and a closet full of tiny pink clothing. FJ's room is Little Cuter's favorite spot in the house; there's a peaceful, loving vibe going on that will only increase over time, I'm sure.
The kids are finished nesting. There are no projects left undone. The furniture has been refinished and the pictures are hung and the muslin giraffe print sheets are on the mattress. Sassy, SIR's lovey toy from his own childhood, sits right in the middle of the crib. She'll have to move once the baby comes home; nothing can be in the sleeping space. No blankets, no toys, no nothing.
That's just one of the many things that have changed in the 30 years since I was a new mother. There are dual, electric breast pumps replacing the manual suction device I used. (Yes, it hurt. Yes, it was uncomfortable. Yes, it was necessary.) There is a video monitor and a baby swing that plays music and vibrates ... at three different speeds. The stroller has shock absorbers; they didn't feel they needed the model which had headlights.
I'll be here until they ask me to leave, or until the wedding we're attending in Carmel at the end of August is imminent. If I have to leave before she's ready to throw me out, I'll come right back. I'll be doing laundry and grocery shopping, vacuuming and feeding the dog. I'll be the errand-girl and the "If only I had a ...." provider.
Now, if the baby would only arrive so I can get started.