Someone came running up to me at the gym this morning, her face alight with delight at my progress, or so she gushed all over me and anyone else who might have been listening. She proclaimed that she''d watched me walk across the room and there had been "none of that lurching from side to side" she'd grown used to seeing.
I liked having my efforts at proper ambulation recognized and rewarded. I wasn't that crazy about the whole lurching from side to side image, but I had to admit that it was accurate, if painful to admit.
My goal has always been the same: a fluid gait. The number of muscles and tendons and joints and ligaments and bony structures which have to work in unison in order for me to achieve that goal is unfathomable.
Not that one couldn't count it. I am certain that Shannon, and Kyria and Becky could figure it out, but the number would still be unfathomable.... deeper than deep.... to the bottom of the ocean and beyond... a never-ending distance where the end is always out of reach.
I can feel it getting closer... I am making progress... but I never know how close I am to being done. I just keep plugging along.
Today I did squats and toe raises and leg presses and hamstring curls and more stretching and exercises prescribed by the women who are directing my rehab and then I went looking for ceramic pots. I need a big one to replace the tall one blown over in last week's storm. I wandered througjh three different businesses, each covering an acre or more of uneven ground and all manner of obstacles to fluid mobility.
I bent and examined and lifted and carried and drove home and planted and moved pots and fertilized and cleaned up and swam laps and as I dripped across the bedroom floor on my way wash off the chlorine, TBG, with all manner of love and concern in his voice, told me, gently but firmly, that I was "limping about as badly as I've seen you .... ever.... you are all scrunched up and your shoulder is nearly touching your hip."
He wasn't buying my "look at all I've done today" spiel; he sets high standards and that's a good thing. His advice - take your time, get yourself organized, think about your hips and your shoulders, use your poles if you need them - is what everyone who's working on me tells me. And, of course, they are right..... since I was able to right myself and move out of the room with nary a lurch.
Seeing progress when I'm strong, and possibility when I am weak.... people feel very free to comment. Not quite sure how to define myself these days, I'm looking outside for clues. Not for the long term; I know that will take care of itself. I'm unanchored in the here and now and I wonder.... what do you see?