I was excited to be called. I was interested in the case as it was explained in one of the numberous emails I received over the course of the last month or two. I thought I could be a fair judge.
All that changed when I received the juror packet. Along with my bacge and lots of instructions, there was parking information.
Parking in the same garage we used when the shooter was on trial. Going through the same security screening that left me shaking in my wheelchair, for no reason at all except the whole place felt awful. Sitting in a courtroom where another man may end up in a little box for the rest of his life, tied to me forever.
I just don't know if I can do it.
I thought I could. I was prepared for the reaction I might have. I've been talking to myself about it for the last week. But as the emails and phone calls kept coming in, advising me that the judge expected to see me at 8:15 on Monday, my anxiety moved from the back burner to my entire being.
I'm not sleeping well. My heart is in my throat most of my waking hours. I'm afraid of repercussions from the accused's cohorts. I don't want to look him in the eye. I don't want that connection.
How can I possibly be unbiased? How can I possibly pay attention when my brain is in full on panic mode?
I really thought I could do this. I've changed my mind as reality sets in. I hope the judge understands.
I was only called once for the jury pool and I was in my late 60s at the time. I was chosen and sat on a jury to listen to the case. It had some complexities. The accused woman had a cheering squad in the room and they looked tough. I won't go into details here but we ended up agreeing to find her innocent of a felony offense but guilty of a misdemeanor. The judge asked us to stay after to explain our reasoning. I was among those who spoke. I didn't say all of what I felt about the whole process, just the part regarding the evidence we'd been given. I was very disillusioned by the way it was done and when I got called two years later again, I took advantage of my age then, in my 70s, which gave me an out. I learned something about our judicial system and it wasn't reassuring to me.
ReplyDeleteTBG enjoyed his jury service. I was totally freaked out in the building, waiting, and in the courtroom itself. Thankfully, the judge understood my reluctance. I'm excused.
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I have served a couple of times, but now I claim age and physical disability. My "disability" is mostly that I can't sit still and listen that long when someone else, actually some system, is in charge.
ReplyDeleteI could have gotten out of it by being over 70, but my civic responsibility outweighed my fears.... for a while, anyway.
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Given what you went through your reaction is completely understandable. The judge made the right decision.
ReplyDeleteYou have every right to be dismissed. Even being in a courtroom must be a trigger for you.
ReplyDeleteI have served jury duty a few times. The last time I was called, I had to answer a packet of questions about my own history and my views of child abuse. I would have found the person guilty, but I wouldn't want to listen to all of the testimony, and was told even the child would be testifying. No. I cannot do this and was excused. I have not been asked to come back, but at 71 they may not be calling me for that reason. I'm a big believer in the jury system and am happy to serve, in most cases. I always say, if I should ever be on trial, I would want smart jurors much like myself.
Please Read.You have a great post here, Have anyone here know Goji Berries... yes... I tried those too.For my health conditions, Those sweet, red berries seemed to help, but only during the time when I consumed them. I don't want to take a drug for the rest of my life, so why would I want to take a natural supplement everyday for the rest of my life (although Goji berries are very tasty and are highly nourishing). To me this was not a cure either (and I'm LOOKING for the CURE).
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