They've become so frequent that even those who most reliably reached out to check on my welfare have given up the ghost. I don't blame them. I'm in overload myself. At a certain point I put up a shield around my hurt.
I held on to the anger and the action; I could talk about who I had called and what I had written while avoiding how it touched me in my hurting place..... the place where I visit with Christina-Taylor. I like to choose my moments, like this afternoon when, in the parking lot where she left her Juicy sweater on the front seat of my car, I realized that I'd shopped in our Safeway without thinking about her at all.
I marveled, as I always do, at how healthy I am in that particular place, then I laughed as I remembered that denial is my favorite defense mechanism. Christina-Taylor laughed with me. I saluted her in the clouds above, and went on about my day.
I was feeling pretty good about the world in general, and glad that I had done something to thank the person whose actions put in this happy place. That was my New Year's Resolution - to tell people when I have good thoughts about them - and it's turned out to be one of my better ones. My kids like it when I call to say that I think they are swell. Cashiers and baggers smile when I compliment the care they take with my produce. I live on those smiles and good feelings for hours afterwards (okay, my life is boring).
So this morning, while I tried to ignore yet another police chief discussing death tolls and response times and the shooter I stopped in my tracks. Odessa, Texas Chief of Police Michael Gerke was on camera refusing to name the shooter. Not only that, he explained why. #NoNotoriety is a hashtag I've been using since Alex Teves' mother began publicizing it after her son was murdered while shielding his fiance in the Aurora movie theater massacre. To have a police chief explicitly state that he was denying the shooter the notoriety he craved made my heart sing.
So, I took out my personalized stationary and I wrote to Chief Gerke in Odessa to thank him for sparing my heart, for keeping me from screaming at my television set, for not naming his shooter.
Yes, his shooter, just as I have my shooter. And you have this blogger I read's shooter. It seems that everyone is one or two degrees of separation from their own personal shooter.
I'm sorry if that terrifies you. That feeling is why I thanked Chief Gerke. It's a crappy way to live, and he kept me safe from it.
Their names aren't important but how they got their guns, how they've been living, all of the reports regarding their violence, and how nothing was done-- that matters. This last guy was on a downhill spiral and when he was fired, his boss tried to say he's a concern-- nothing was done. I think knowing what they are is important if we ever want the tools to stop them first. I've yet heard how he got his gun but sounds like it wasn't legally given his record. He was something waiting to happen. Why can't we do something about holding them before they do the big thing? His name doesn't matter but the pattern that again was ignored-- that matters or should.
ReplyDeleteAnd that's the Red Flag law, that anti-safety trolls are up in arms against. Those who are close to these people on the edge know it when they see it, but there's not much that can be done in most states.
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Red flag laws are good, banning assault rifles would be better. I hadn't given Beto O'Rourke much credence until he was asked by a reporter how he would reassure voters that no one was coming for their assault rifles. He replied that's exactly what we will do. The government will buy them all back. We used to have a ban on assault rifles, I'd like it back, please.
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