Thursday, April 11, 2013

Why Do I Procrastinate?

I just paid bills.  I hate paying bills.  I'm not organized, I'm not good at the subtraction, dealing with money makes me anxious.  Somehow, decades ago, household bills became my responsibility.  Inertia set in and that's still the plan. It's not a good plan, but it is the plan.

I could make some noise and try to negotiate a new plan, but that would require action.  It's easier to fret.  Why, I wonder, do I put it off and put it off and worry about the fact that I haven't done it?  Why don't I just sit down at the desk and do it?  We have the money.  That's not the problem.  I don't know what is.

It's getting warmer and warmer, albeit more slowly than in years past.  My irrigation system should be analyzed for leaks.  Emitter valves should be evaluated to insure that the correct amount of liquid is flowing to the roots.  Those same valves should be moved out to the ever expanding drip line of the trees.  Some of those trees are well established and no longer require irrigation at all.  I know all this, yet I do nothing about it.  Desert plants are adapted to arid conditions; my personally-imposed-drought hasn't effected them thus far.  This cannot go on for much longer without damage to the plants, yet I do nothing.

My desk is covered with postal receipts for packages which have already been delivered, bills which were paid last month, syllabi for classes completed, magazines I've already read.  An hour of concentrated work and the surface would be clear, useful, inviting.  I know that.  I just don't do it.

Brother has promised to repair and refurbish my desktop computer's hard drives. We thought that a visit to the repair shop would have done the trick, but my $60 investment only served to prove that Brother's analysis was correct and that real work must be done.  Since he lives in Maryland and I live in Arizona, packing and shipping are involved.  I have known this since February.  I have been tripping over the non-working towers since then.  I have a plan - take them to UPS and let them box and ship the items for me.  I just don't take action.  I would love to have a working desktop.  I just don't do anything to make it happen.

Part of me knows that, for many things in life, if you wait long enough the problem will resolve itself.  I've lived by that mantra, and it's been borne out over and over again.  But my phone just beeped that a message had been received.... and I couldn't find it amidst the mess on the desk.  I had to call it from the house phone and track down the music by shifting the piles.  Some things do not get better over time.

It's not that I don't have options.  I've employed the services of a professional organizer in the past, and I loved the results.  I've spent afternoons up to my elbows in dust in the garage, rearranging the shelves in the potting shed, music blaring, fans blowing, a smile on my face.  My achy hip gets in my way these days, but the pains from bending over and moving sideways aren't the only reasons my life looks like this.  There's an emotional component that eludes me.  I try to figure it out, and I get nowhere.

I could consult my counselor, a wonderful woman who would lead me to the answer.  I could call MaryLynne and watch her work her magic.  I could deny myself all sorts of pleasures until the work is done. Yes, I know, all those options are available to me.

I just don't do anything about it.

9 comments:

  1. My SIL is a professional organizer and is running a VERY successful company. She's so organized it's scary. I'm organized and I hate clutter, but time is really my problem. I just run out of time in the day to get rid of stuff. So it goes into a canvas bin until I can look at it over the weekend. Hubby, who isn't as neat as I am, says the bins bug him. So over the weekend, we moved them to the office. At least they are not on the kitchen counter anymore.

    I pay almost ALL of our bills via bill pay online and most are automatic. So I'm not certain why we still get so much crap in the mail. Bugs me really. I've even signed up for paperless billing, but we still get a lot of mail. I'm trying, but I think it's a conspiracy to take over my house. LOL.

    You will get there, but in the meantime, check out my SIL's blog: https://basicorganization.wordpress.com

    Happy de-cluttering! :)


    Megan xxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. OMG I'm in love after the first piece I read.... she is right about opening an envelope and putting the stuff back in. There may be hope for me yet!
      a./b

      Delete
  2. I tend to put off some kinds of things and they bug me also. Some is not good to do like an eye exam that I put off but know I should not. When the guilt reaches a level that it's worse than the procrastination, I deal with it but always think if I dealt with it before that I'd have a more relaxed life. I don't...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's the dilemma - I know I'll feel better if I act... but I don't... except for doctors visits which I never put off.
      a/b

      Delete
  3. Welcome to my life! Ha.

    My experience has been that I put off the necessary until ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY! I seem to respond only when deadlines loom upon me, like having the in laws come visit for a week. (2 weeks away now...pray for me, please!!!)I keep putting big projects off with each passing day, which is part of the denial of it all...ugh.

    In all fairness to myself, I do try and keep on top of my laundry and other functional day to day must-do's. Exercise and other forms of self-care are essential daily for me to function at all. If I don't exercise, the day seems to poop away with nothing to show for it. I'm trying to muster up the courage to tackle my son's bio hazard of a room in the next few days. It is a HUGE project every time we do it, but feels so rewarding afterwards. I wish I wasn't such a procrastinator and could be as organized as I'd like to be...it makes it hard when you struggle with ADD (legit) and have a million thoughts, projects and ideas swirling around in my brain like a pinball machine. We are creative and fun-loving, but lack focus...can you tell!? It's even more of an issue when you're a perfectionist, I was always the little schoolgirl who crumpled her papers a million times and started all over until it was "good enough"...Total Insanity!!! LOL

    I'd much rather daydream and even now as an adult there are some days I feel like saying "Screw it, I'm going out for recess today!" ...especially in the winter when it's SO nice outside. :S

    So...I will just start with one room at a time (tomorrow, of course) and HOPE it will all get done in time for our guests, as it usually does...despite MUCH procrastination & mis-prioritization (is that even a word!?). Somehow, I perform better under pressure & but could do without the unnecessary stress that ensues...history tends to repeat itself, as they say. :D

    Thanks for keeping it real, at least I know I'm not alone!

    Until next time...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We are not alone.... there are messes all over it seems..... even without ADD I'm a wreck :0 Agree with you on exercising, though. Without it, my day is a total disaster.
      a/b

      Delete
  4. BTW if anyone has suggestions on how to manage one's TIME more effectively, I'd be REALLY interested to know more!

    ...Makes me wonder what we did before the world of FB, etc! LOL

    ReplyDelete
  5. Although I am glad to know that I am not alone in the procrastination, disorganization and guilt departments, I still don't do it. I know that if I were to just do it, it could be done in much less time than I spend guilting myself about it. Maybe I just need to feel guilty for some sick reason. Let me know what the therapist says if you take that route.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And here I thought I was alone with this ... I guess not! I agree with everything you say... including the "sick reason" to feel guilty..... we deserve better, don't we? Now, the question becomes whether I want to invest $100 talking to the counselor about this. Ah, something else to put off :)
      a/b

      Delete

Talk back to me! Word Verification is gone!

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails