Monday, February 6, 2012

Watching Stupid Bowl XLVI

Do not think that I have forgotten my responsibility to those of you who rely upon The Burrow for sports-related-conversational-tidbits, handy to pull out when the talk turns to the Super Bowl tomorrow.
Poor Tom Brady.  He's sick of hearing about losing to the Giants in Super Bowl XLII.  He's sick of hearing about Eli Manning. He wants to play football.  He's won 2 Super Bowl MVP awards and he's married to a super model and he's pretty good looking in his own right and he's complaining?  About anything?  Off the top of my head I can come up with several dozen men who'd trade places with him in a heartbeat.

It's only a game, son.  It's only a game. 
It's the first time in 15 years that the AFC has won the coin toss.  I read a statistic about the relationship between winning the coin toss and winning the game but even I, math challenged human that I am, even I know that that does not imply causation.  Still, TBG was impressed enough to be sure that I was aware of the fact.
Hyundai employees ba-ba-baa'ing to the theme from Rocky was my first memorable commercial moment.  My heart was warmed.  Of course, Mickey D's doesn't get credit for tugging my heartstrings with their bald-to-brush-cut-little-leukemia-survivor smiling out at me in front of his family; that's low hanging fruit.  The stupid vampire commercial is just that - a stupid commercial about a stupid vampire.  That's all you need to know.  Hyundai scored another hit with the cheetah and the car and the other guy.

It's exhausting to watch this way. There's no time to get a snack or see about dinner when I care about the game and the ads.
With 3 minutes to go in the first quarter, the Giants have had 19 plays, the Patriots, 1.  On that one play, Tom Brady was in the end zone when he threw the ball down field to nobody which counts as intentional grounding, or 2 points for the other guys if the quarterback happens to be standing in the end zone when he let the ball fly,  The score is 9-0, New York.  

Right now I think Tom Brady has something important to be aggravated about.
Chevy brought us into the 2nd quarter with an apocalyptic view of truck ownership and a graduate who thinks the neighbor's spiffy yellow convertible is his parents' gift to him.  We're smiling and feeling pretty good about Chevrolet right now.  I'm not going out to buy one, but I like the brand.  Did Chevy get its money's worth?  

It's hard for me to have a coherent thought in the room right now.  TBG's all time favorite literary character is John Carter.  The Edgar Rice Burroughs (see a connection to the author of this post?) hero has finally gotten a movie contract and I know where we'll be on March 9th at midnight.  His only regret is that they won't be using much of the Martian language.

Sigh.  Like Tom Brady, some men are never satisfied.
I moved the pre-rubbed-ribs from the oven to the pre-heated gas grill as Tom Brady tied the record for longest scoring drive in a Super Bowl.  He was methodical and precise and his offensive line was outstanding and now, at the half, New England is ahead, 10-9.

Dan Patrick, Tony Dungy and Rodney Harrison (who is flashing his own Super Bowl ring) are the most un-listened-to men on the planet right now.  The half time show has yet to begin and anyone who cares about the game has seen what they're recapping so it's bathroom break and buffet cruising and drink refilling time.  

All over America, guests are vying for a better seat on the couch for the second half.
I am not sure what to make of Madonna's faux Egyptian goddess routine, but the objectification of the men pulling her chariot, the ones she used as chairs and step stools, the ones with impossibly buff arms  is almost as disturbing as the fact that she is completely wrinkle free.  I worried about her for a moment when she had trouble getting up on the bleachers but then she went on to do cartwheels on a lower riser so I stopped fretting.

The weird guy who bounced off the wire on parts of his body which were definitely not meant for the experience was no stranger than the guys in the zebra suits with the afros.  The cheerleaders telling me that I Wanna LUV Madonna aren't far from the truth.  There's something frighteningly cheerful about her posturing and thrusting and squatting that is bizarrely over the top - girls with loincloths adorned with gigantic, bedazzled M's - and then, just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, there was a snare drum marching band up there on the stage. 

Madonna.... Mick Jagger.... isn't there anyone born after John Kennedy was assassinated who can be trusted to stay clothed and put on a half-time show?  I'm just askin'....
Bob Costas has definitely got a Dorian Gray thing going on.
Clint Eastwood as a motivational speaker is chilling.  Life as a Sergio Leone movie..... all that was missing from that spot was his serape.
Somewhere here in the 3rd quarter, there's a 5 point difference in the game and Coke's polar bears are no less annoying than they were in the first half.  I liked Toyota's reinvented couch and the rain that makes you skinnier but TBG is sitting here drooling over the new Acura NSX.... and remembering when he had the first one in Chicago... and oohing and aahing and totally understanding Seinfeld's need to have the very first one.  

Boys and their toys.... seems that most of the ones I  really really like have this thing (I just don't really get) about cars. They also like bacon, which makes the Jack-in-the-Box bacon-cheeseburger commercial about a guy marrying bacon just a little bit creepy.
And now, at the start of the fourth quarter Tom Brady escapes a sack but throws an interception and maybe Gronkowski's ankle isn't 100%.  Don't worry if you don't understand it; saying it will move you up the ranks of sports patter.
The adorable rescue dog named We Go reminded me of my cousin Ricky's dog, GetAway.  A miserable mutt, as my dad accurately referred to him, he did nothing as remarkable as retrieving beers from the 'fridge.... or backwards barrel rolling.
The Giants scored with 57 seconds remaining in the game, putting them up by 4 and giving Tom Brady a chance to claim another Super Bowl miracle.  Can the New York defensive line hold the Patriot's vaunted offense?  This game just got very exciting.  A dropped pass, a sacked quarterback, New England faced with 4th-and-forever as the clock winds down and there goes Tom Brady, evading tacklers and leading his receiver out of bounds.  Another first down, spiking the ball to stop the clock, a defensive miscalculation putting too many men on the field, and it's down to 5 seconds remaining.  

Tom Brady threw a beautiful long Hail Mary into the end zone and Gronkowski almost got a piece of it after the Giants tipped it away from Hernandez but, in the end, it was Eli Manning wearing the Super Bowl cap and hoisting the trophy over his head.

I guess I'll let Tom Brady whine just a little.


  1. It was an interesting game. The Chevy commercial with the Apocalypse-ready truck was somewhat humorous. I had to laugh at the Barry Manilow song and the Twinkies.

    Did you see the CRV commercial with Matthew Broderick? I saw that late last week and almost busted a lung laughing so hard.

    I too found the Coke Polar Bears annoying. I actually only watched up to the half-time show because it was getting late here in DC. And it was an excuse to get the kids in bed and not watch anymore of it. I'm a Redskins fan; so I didn't particularly care too much about the Super Bowl. Since hubby had participated in some sort of pool at the office, he kept checking his numbers on his iPad and was really into it.

    Poor Tom Brady.... his life is so rough .

    Happy Monday!

    Megan xxx

  2. Hooray--we were rooting for the Giants and Eli! And we loved the Audi vampire commercial, because we love our Audis. I do not feel one bit sorry for Tom Brady. Ugh.

  3. That guy bouncing on the tightrope at halftime? He graduated from Redwood in 2004 :)

  4. And those four comments pretty much define my readership :)


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