I got up for a bathroom break a little after 3 this morning, and foolishly took my phone with me. I never do that in the middle of the night, but I wasn't really sleeping anyway and I was curious and then I was furious and sad and mad and unable to go back to sleep.... and I can always go back to sleep.
TBG urged me to be kind to myself. Big Cuter gave us his calming perspective. Teachers and staff at Prince were extra specially kind; the psychologist offered me a chair and a friendly ear.
I wasn't interested in any of it. Little Cuter and I usually manage to leave one another laughing. Today, we just suffered together.
I, like the comments on yesterday's post, am not ready to be comforted. I don't want to think about the work to be done. I certainly don't want to donate any dollars to anyone for anything right now (can you believe the chutzpah?!?!?).
I want to take time with my fears and sort them out into manageable bits. I want to mourn for my image of my country and come to grips with the reality of most of the voting public.
A mahjongg friend won't play on Friday. I'm sitting shiva for America she texted this evening. That feels about right. I'll take a few days to readjust. I'll look for the bright spots (another Democrat representing me in the Senate and the House, women's health care protected by a Constitutional Amendment) while I long for the path I thought was opening in front of me. Friends will gather for conversation about loss.
I'm going to wallow in misery for a while. Not forever. Just for now.
This: I'm sitting shiva for America she texted this evening. That feels about right.
ReplyDeleteYup. And she's not even Jewish.
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Sitting shiva for America feels just right, as does trying to come to grips with most of the voting public. I am disgusted and angry and frightened by most Americans. I am unable to watch or read or listen to the news, which used to be a great source of interest and joy. I am definitely uninterested in any feel-good crap. I can't see my way out of this. aargh. Sending a hug to and for all of us.
ReplyDeleteThat's the little of a shiva week- to sort out your feelings in a safe space designed for that and nothing more. I think we ask need that down time now.
DeleteThanks for the hug.
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I promised myself that I would not go into mourning this time if the worst happened, like I did in 2016. We went to Whidbey Island and planred things in the soil. Planting in the soil is good for the soul. It helped. I'm going to be OK. Whether or not our country is OK is now up to someone else. He won. I'm done.
ReplyDeleteI'm teetering on the edge when I think about the future... which I'm tryig very hard not to do. Another 4 years of ignoring his face....
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