She Was Sleeping

She was healthy then she was sick and now she's dying.  She's peeved - there's more living to be done - but she's neither surprised nor angry.  She just wants Christmas to come, and then she'll be done.

She's doing this on her own terms, in her own way, just as she's lived the nearly 9 decades of her life.  It aggravates some of those she loves, but that's not enough to get her to change her style.  Now, when there are options to prolong an already long life, she wondered Why bother?

She's not hungry and she's not looking for supplements.  Her body is shutting down and she's just along for the ride.  Her mind, sharp and caustic as always, notices only that she's tired.  So very, very tired that sleep is what she does.... all day..... every day.

I was lucky the first few times I stopped by - she was awake and ready for stories and snark.  Today, once again in the morning, before any therapists or hospice workers or caregivers had tired her out, I tried and failed.  She didn't stir when I entered the room.  She lay there, breathing softly, paler and more sunken than before.

I'm lucky to be able to take my time and say goodbye... over and over and over again.  It was hard to walk quietly away, without awakening her, wondering if  I'll get a chance to hug her tomorrow.  But this is what she wants, and I'm honored to be a small part of it.