I'm A Disastrophe

Remember that word, coined by FlapJilly and embraced by her grandmother with pride and glee?  It's a portmanteau of disaster and catastrophe, and it's exactly how I feel right now.

I went for my Annual Check Up this morning, but we never got around to any of those questions.  Apparently, my presenting symptoms were much more interesting.  

My doctor was late, a rarity in that office.  She sits with me for as long as I need her, so I assumed that she was doing the same for some other unfortunate soul.  I nursed my weeping eye patiently in the waiting room.  I had no place else to go and nothing else to do for hours; sitting quietly felt like exactly what I needed.

When it was my turn to enter the portal, they took care of the basics.  My weight was within the range I can handle.  My O2 sats and pulse raised no alarms.  My blood pressure, however, was delightfully low. I've been medicating since Pandemica, but the numbers never budged from the 140's and the 90's.  After 5 days of holding my granddaughter in my arms, on my chest, near my heart, I was calm, to the tune of 122 over 83.

I think I will prescribe myself a regimen of frequent caretaking visits.

But, I digress.

Once the doctor came in and we dispensed with noting how pleased we were to see each other, she asked how I was doing.

Ten days ago I would have said I was in my best shape in a long time.  Today, I'm a disastrophe.

I started with the medical marijuana drying up my teary eye (which left her laughing and not at all judgmental).  She asked me one or two questions and declared that I had conjunctivitis, implying that now-legal drugs would not solve the problem. I've managed to live 71 conjunctivitis-free years.  I'm fairly peeved that it's invaded my cells right now.  

On the other hand, I'm very glad that just one dose of erythromycin salve stopped the drip and eliminated the pain.  My vision is a little blurry (coating your eye with goo will do that) but the relief is worth the annoyance.

Bending over my bright pink toenails (courtesy of a last-minute-before-we-left-for-San Francisco pedicure with Not-Kathy), she looked then gently and carefully and kindly pressed and pulled and pushed, all the while explaining what she was feeling and what she was thought she might find. 

I'm lucky. Good care like this is hard to find.

Luckily, there didn't seem to be any displaced chips of bone, nor an alignment issue requiring surgery. I can bend it and extend it without excruciating pain.  We agreed that an x-ray was superfluous; we could see where .  I'm buddy-taping the broken third one to the healthy fourth one now; the second toe will have her turn tomorrow.  It will take 6-8 weeks to heel in strongly soled shoes .... no flipflops, no wobbly, no weak  no no support footwear .... she took this part very seriously.  

I have another appointment for Fasting Labs and my Annual Exam in September.  I've got my medication and my instructions and permission to take 600 mg of Advil twice a day, thrice if it really hurts.  

I am currently a total disastrophe.  But relief is on the way

Yay, Science!