I Can't Win

The Little Cuter is very wise, sometimes. "Don't go to sleep with an open issue" and "It's better to deal with it than to worry about it" were hard won lessons she's taken to heart. When she sends them my way, I know I should listen.

With the Little Cuter's advice firmly affixed to my shoulder, I told the girls that G'ma will be moving in 2 weeks. They were gracious and loving and we agreed on references and help in finding new employment and promises to visit and stay in touch.

After a while, I got a little choked up. G'ma was there in a heartbeat - "It'll be fine. Whatever it is, it will be fine." Once my mommy, always my mommy, I guess. So, I reminded her that she'd be moving to her corner suite in the pod-castle and that I was worried about the decision. How sad was she that she was leaving the rest of her dining room furniture behind? "Really, honey, what's in there? Family pictures come for the walls, and then, honestly, will I remember what's gone?" I'm not sure if that makes me feel better or worse. But I decided to focus on the feelings behind the words, and they warmed the cockles of my heart.

"It's beautiful and new and private and you have a view of the mountains and the clouds and you can go to breakfast in your bathrobe just like you always do." And her response showed me why I can never hope to get out from under being her daughter and thus swept up in spite of myself into our decades old dance. Just as I was relaxing into the fact that she loved me and trusted me and couldn't really make the decision herself and that every day is a new day and she loves me and trusts me and then she says, after thinking about breakfast in her robe in the dining room, not Oh, good not Finally! not Just like home. ............

Nope, MY mother does her half-smile and shakes her head. "Oy, what a sight we'll be."