What A Flop

America couldn't throw itself a birthday party.  Everyone seemed to lose interest once it became all about FFOTUS.  

There was no bunting.  

There were no American flags put out for the occasion (except ours, because he doesn't get to take that memory away from me).  

There were no 250th Birthday Sales.  Our Mexican restaurant did offer me a $6 margarita (which I happily accepted) and volunteered to change the tv channel (is that even a thing anymore?) so that we could both watch the soccer with ease.  We didn't inconvenience anyone; we were the only patrons.

For some reason known only to himself, TBG turned our television to Fox and invited FFOTUS into our living room.  God, Communism, and your beautiful 2nd Amendment later, he began introducing very old veterans who were to salute very old flags and then take their very old selves off FFOTUS's stage.  

Some of them didn't get the memo and seemed to overstay their welcome.  The crowd kept clapping.  FFOTUS's Thank you very much noise kept coming from the podium, sounding more like a command than a gratuity as the applause grew.

Such a small man in such a large space.

Then there was music.  The Joint Armed Forces Orchestra (who knew?) performed admirably.  The US Army band belted its way through explosions, accompanied by the lamest singers imaginable.  To make it worse, they tried to gyrate while wearing dress whites.  It left cringe-worthy behind before it really got started.  

The crowd seemed to love it, though, so maybe we're just old.  Or maybe we have better taste than people who will stick around for hours to listen to an old man ramble.

And then the fireworks began. 51,000 individual pieces, according to one of the talking heads on Fox (before I muted the sound) and I don't know where to begin.  I've tried for the last few minutes to organize a coherent train of thought.  But, like the fireworks, the details have gotten lost in the smoke.

There was so much smoke it looked like the War of 1812 all over again.

There was a pond near (I think) the WWII memorial that periodically sent up giant flares.

The director couldn't decide where to place the cameras.  There was no best angle.  It was an unholy mess.  Zoom in and the sparkles vanish into the smoke.  Zoom out and it really does look like the city is on fire.  

And really, it didn't make any difference.  Like most things associated with the man, his celebration was all sound and no fury.  There were no interesting configurations.  There was no red white and blue theme.  There were just balls of similar color, some occasionally twinkling. And it went on for almost 45 minutes.

It was finally over and the people who brought their babies (none of whom wore noise cancelling headphones) could now take them home and put them to bed where they probably should have been all night long.  It was a mostly white crowd, who seemed thrilled to be sharing their MAGAness with other likeminded individuals.  

But there's one more thing you have to know, and, like the savvy story teller I am, I've saved the best for last.  

There was not one person of color on the stage throughout the entire performance.  

Not among the veterans nor the orchestra nor the band nor the featured singers.  I'm not sure how he organized that feat, but I'm having a hard time convincing myself that it was happenstance.  

Among all his other crimes and misdemeanors and felonies and general repulsiveness, he hijacked what could have been a really fun four day weekend.  How many times can he spit in America's face and still remain in office?